Welcome to Olivia's Daughter....a blog that I created in March 2010 to document my blessed journey of healing. Since I began this blog, my mother has gone home to be with the Lord along with my son, Chris Reshaud Jordan, who was murdered in October 2009. After these two devastating events, I felt forsaken by God. I cried out to the Lord seeking my purpose in life. Throughout this experience, I had to make the choice to surrender to a life of worthlessness or to live my life to the fullest, a life filled with abundance and love.


God has strengthened me. I am seeking Him daily and and working to live in His will which is leading me to my purpose and passion. I think of Chris and Olivia constantly, but I have turned this over to God. I want God to use me as his vessel giving Him the glory.

Saturday, July 17, 2010

I'm Back


Hello Followers,
I disappeared for awhile I have been in a crazy place in my life and I am sure you all didn't want to go there with me lol. Writing my feelings had been so therapeutic so I have returned . Yes Yes Yes !!!

We have alot to catch up on. Well my mom is still sick, but we are blessed to have her with us. I pray for her comfort daily. Jayden is almost 7 months old and is so adorable. I plan to put his lil butt in the pool today. I continue to grieve my son's loss, his birthday was Thursday and I got through it with prayer and words of encouragable from people of God. Dominique continue to work and she loves her job. Ariel has moved to the ATL for school and loves it there. 4C continues to grow and we are gaining new territory. 4C is planning a Ballroom dance, I have been taking private lessions (look out ). My job is my job. I continue to love the Lord, but have not been out to worship in awhile. So you see I have had lots going on.

Today I am rededicated myself to God and making a committment to love me again.

Chat with you soon !

Monday, May 31, 2010

Day 95 -Bad News - Sad (:


There is Good News and There is Bad News !!

Over the past month I have been ignoring some very bad news. Thinking if I ignored it the problem would go away. Well it has gone away. This problem I will definitely be taking to God. God will give me the answers I need. God has always helped me and he won't now.

Well here it is ! Ariel and Jayden are moving to the ATL July 3rd 2010. Lord Oh Lord. I understand and I don't. I pray this is God's will for her life and I pray for their safety. It's not like I will just miss Jayden she is my daughter. I pray she finds and surrounds herself with an awesome support team. I pray she and Jayden are blessed.

I love them !

Today was a day I spent doing some cleaning and organizing. This was a good thing ! I am getting ready for some upcoming 4C Events.

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Day 89 - God and Mom


God is directing my steps. I continue to be QUIET and listen to God's voice. I am working to block out distractions, haters, etc which allows God to pour into me. I am seeing the benefits of what God is doing. My work life has improved and I am also caring for my mother with more patience. She and I are sharing how we feel about each other. When I walked in her presence she said why do you always smile when you come home. I told her because I think and pray for you all day and I can't wait to see you. This evening she told me she was hanging in for me, because "SHE LOVED ME" ! I was touched, I sometimes wonder what she is thinking as she lays there. She has not changed, she is still my loving mother. It is so like her to sacrifice her life for me. To be in pain and push on so that she can spend time with me. I know God is in total control and she does to, we realize God will call her home when he is ready. One day she told me "Don't let them doctors kill me, I don't mind going when the Good Lord is ready for me, but don't let them kill me".

I had an eventful day at work, I completed some work and handled some other tasks because a coworker is out ill. It was a really good day. One of my coworker's announced she was accepting another position. We all were excited for her as she so deserves it. It was her time. We will miss her so much, she is a very kind, and knowledgable person.

Jayden had a doctor's appt today he gained two more lbs. He is really growing super fast. I talked to him on Ariel's speaker phone and she said he was smiling and looking around. He is so sweet. I pray for him daily.

Good Evening ! Thank You Lord for today !! Thank You for allowing me to experience love !

Monday, May 24, 2010

Day 88 -Come On and Dance


Hello Followers !
I have been busy working and taking care of my family. Really busy. I have blogging/journaling daily. I am excited about what God is doing in my life. He is growing me up. Since my mom has been ill I have had to step up to the plate and be the woman she was. Which means I am carrying a lot of added responsiblity. One day I was sitting and thinking and realized I had grown up. As long as my mom was up and about I relied on her for alot. I have had to make decisions relying on the Lord. With my mother in her present con-dition it has forced me to count on God. Wow !

I find myself saying things my mom would say like, and quoting scriptures. I have found a new love for old school gospel. Songs mama use to love and sing. They have so much meaning for me, because I know now my mom was where I am now. Totally depending on God for her help !

Ok, alright ! Something a little lighter :) I am excited about 4C Event Planners. We are planning a Dance Extravaganza. It will be held September 17th from about 7 til 12:00 or 1:00. We are still working out all the details. Please stay tuned in to our webpage and Fan page on facebook. We are as mother would say "putting the big pot in the little one". lol This means we are planning something really big and nice the community and our friends. I love planning and all the behind the scene things that go on to put an event together. Check out the photo of the party center. We plan to fill this dance floor, with excitement and dance. We love an exciting party.

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Day 81 - 4C Planning




Lord I continue to Bless Your Holy Name !!! You are so worthy Lord ! I trust and believe You Lord ! Thank You for being everything to me ! Lord help my mom ! Help our situation ! I want to continue caring for her. I need your help and direction.

Today was good for me. Work was work, I continue to stay focused on my daily tasks and I am being productive in what I do. Everything seems to be going smoothly. We have not been that busy this week. This is the quiet before the storm. Our work comes in waves and we know what is coming.

Today I realized more than ever that I love event planning. This is my second career. Today I student ask me to give her a couple of pointer on event planning. She is writing a "how to" paper about "party planning" and it needed to be at least 800 words. Well don't you know my few pointers turned into me doing the entire assignment. I wrote this paper in about 30 minutes. Of course it ended up being over 1,200 words. Writing the paper came so easy, it is clearly my passion. The person I wrote it for was excited and very impressed. We went over the assignment and she also has a passion for planning. It is an english assignment but it also taught her some key points about professional event planning. She learned some things that she said she would use in her future planning.

My love for event planning pushes me to want clients on our 4C calendar. Not so much for the $ but to have the opportunity to plan and serve. The bonus for me is the $. Getting paid for something I enjoy is such a blessing. Especially when the client feels blessed by the event.

Our event planning business has grown. We are right where God wants us to be. He wants us to be fair and honest with our clients. We want a strong reputation. Because in business your reputation will make or break you. We have learned from one another and we are learning from our business mistakes and successes. We want to do more of what works for our clients. We have the confidence that we can plan and execute any event. God has given us this gift and he wants us to use it to His glory. I want God to work in our business and we do as He would have us to do.

Go Team 4C +1.

Monday, May 17, 2010

James 1 and 2 - Put it in your heart !


Wow, Wow, Wow !!!

Because of God, I had a Peaceful day ! The enemy threw something at me, and God gave me the strength to ignore and not over react. I would like to think that nothing worse can happen in my life. That's would be to easy. The storms I have been through better prepare me to handle what else comes up against me. I have to stay encouraged and keep my head up. God has not worked in my life for me to sit back be angry and shut down. No, he wants me to be fruitful, to grow and to bring others to Christ through my testimony.

I have to stay obedient and be lead by God and do His will. Even when it is not comfortable, even when I feel like I can handle it. I can't :) I have to give it to God. I have made up my mind to live by this, to live in purpose doing God's will. The enemy wants me to prevent me from kingdom building. God has been too good to me to turn my back in disbelief. I have a sense of loyalty and I want to serve GOD until I die.

The Book of James ministers to me.
Trials and Temptations
2Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. 4Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. 5If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. 6But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. 7That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; 8he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does.

9The brother in humble circumstances ought to take pride in his high position. 10But the one who is rich should take pride in his low position, because he will pass away like a wild flower. 11For the sun rises with scorching heat and withers the plant; its blossom falls and its beauty is destroyed. In the same way, the rich man will fade away even while he goes about his business.

12Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.

----------- God's word is true ! I have to hold on to the word of God, and trust that God will fulfill His promise. Consider it Joy, yes Lord, Lord you are growing me, teaching me and pouring into me. I want to praise you in advance for what You are doing in my life. Today you revealed something to me and I now more clearly understand what You need me to do. I release it.

Thank You Lord !!!


Sunday, May 16, 2010

This is the Day ! Got Fruits !


Praise God ! I thank you for all Your many blessings !! I am grateful to You for providing for me my family and friends.

I woke up this morning with my mind on Jesus and determined to make it to service. I had much to do before 11:00 service. But I was determined not to let anything come between me and God. I was faced with a phone call from a girlfriend, who I had not talked to in a few days. Our phone conversations and go on and on. I talked for about 30 minutes then I told her I had to get ready for church service. Boy was the conversation good, she was talking about her relationship. Tempting, but I let it go. Second distraction, Jayden spent the night and his mom was at home sleep. I called her and told her I would be at her home in 10 minutes with Jayden. Boy, he was so cute but I could not let nothing come between me and God. Then last but not least I had to bathe, feed, change dressings and feed my mom. That is such a big job for me every morning. It takes a total of about an hour or more, depending on if she is sick or just being stubborn :) After caring for everybody else, I took a long soaking bath with my new Lush products. Nice treat and I recommend their products to start or end the day. I say all this to say that I was determined to make it to service, I wanted to make God my priority and I am so glad I did. I needed to hear the sermon. God Fruits !

After service I stopped home to check in on my mom. The fam had taken care of her and I cleaned her up and got her ready for her meal. I then went to Brianna's 21st Birthday Party Celebration. We had good fellowship. I had never been there, the food was good. Brianna is growing into such a dyanamic Little Woman of God. She is now home for the summer. Her spirit is so sweet !! Sis Steph rode home with me, I love her, another dynamic Woman of God.

When I got home I tended to my mom and we talked. She has such a good sense of humor, I look forward to talking to her to see what she will say next. I praise God for each and every day we have together. I thank God for another day of Peace. I want to be still, listen to God and see what he has planned for me. I know He loves me so much, I want to see what fruit I will bear.

Saturday, May 15, 2010

"I Woke Up This Morning with my Mind Laid on Jesus"


This morning I woke up with a grateful heart ! I am so thankful to God for the things He has done for me and plans to do. He is planning to do great things, I can feel it. I am so excited about You.

This morning was a perfect Saturday morning ! Rested in with my mom. She was discharged late last night from the Cleveland Clinic. There was nothing major going on, her blood count was low. This morning she and I had breakfast together. This morning when she woke up she looked at me and said "I love you Van". We had scrambled eggs and orange juice and she had a protein drink. She is eating so much better.

After spending some quality time with mama, I went to lunch with Lori and Cheryl. We caught up on each other's lives and had good fun. Lori and I had desert then our entree, really good decision.. After we ate we took a stroll through the mall and ended up in Lush. I am a Fan of Lush. I got a couple of bath items to help me relax and to pamper myself. Really good natural products. Well worth the investment.

Now, moving on I got to spend some time with Jayden, well I watched him sleep :) He is a sweety. Dominique took him to a birthday party. She said he played, took a bottle and then went to sleep. When he got to my house he was already sleep and did not wait up even when we took his coat off. I guess he needed the rest.

So my day was quite nice. I am looking forward to more days like these. I am praising God in advance. Thanks Lord !

Oh, yeah ! I am going to catch up on my reading. Eclipse, yes, Eclipse. Today I purchased tickets for Eclipse. I am so excited. If you are a Fan of Eclipse, are you Team Edward or Team Jacob.

Friday, May 14, 2010

Day 78 - God is Amazing


Totally Amazing !! Over the past few days I have asked God to give me Peace. I know what God can and will do. I have not doubted this, but I have not asked Him. Over the last week I have listened to God and been as obedient as I could be. I also humbled myself in certain situations as God would want me to do. You know! This has been the best week in a very, very long time. I have been faced with significant challenges at work and at home, but it is Friday and everything is good. Better than good.

I allowed God to fight my battles this week, I could not fight what I was up against. But God needed me to be obedient and listen. The more I practiced this the better it got. I was shocked at myself, and I realize God poured into me.

God brought me through !

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Day 77- Trust


I asked for it and I got it. Another day of Peace. God you are so magnificent, you never cease to amaze me. Your power, Your love and Your promise. The promise to never leave or forsake me. You have never left me, You have never stopped loving me. I come to You humbly asking for Your favor, Your grace and Your mercy. Again today I woke up with a prayer of peace in my heart. I don't like the feeling of butterflies in my stomach, and worries throughout the day, about things I can't even control. One by one I give all my worries and to You and you show me worry after worry that You have things in control. All I had to do was slow down and Trust You !

Right off the bat this morning I was faced with worry, what to do, panic ! I stopped and listened to what You would have me to do. It sounds simple, but it has not been for me. I come from a family of worriers. So worrying had placed itself in my life and the worrying kept me depressed and feeling unworthy. These last few days I have been obedient to Your word and trusted You above all other. I love You Lord !

For the past 3 days I have gone into work and did my job with no excuses. Totally focused on my work. This is what God wants me to do is to be a good stewart at work. I notice things are clearing off my desk in record time. I am happier at work ! I realize that when I ask You for things Lord there are things I also need to do, these things stretch me and make a better person.

To finish off my day I made a visit to Simply Chic Salon. Yeah !! What a nice reward !

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Day 76 - Peace Be Still


Another day I prayed for peace and I had peace. I dealt with conflict and worries very consciously. I talked to others with respect and tried to treat others as I would like to be treated. I want peace so I have to do the things God would have me to do to maintain the peace.

I woke up and my mom was not as well as she had been the day before. I did not panic and over react. I did her morning routine of bathing, meds, dressing change, and I went to work. She was too weak to eat. While I drove to work I prayed for her healing and peace. In this situation peace means I maintain my regular routine, going to work and coming home, without her having to go to the hospital. When I got to work and sat at my desk my cell rang and I recognized the number as a caregiver to my mom. The caller said your mom is ok, I made her a pancake with syrup and she ate it all and drank a cup of orange juice. They went on to say she ask for and drank alot of water. I thought to myself "God". I knew that only God could turn that situation around. I stepped out of his way and allowed Him to work His hand.

I got a call later in the day from her caregiver saying your mom just told me off. Again I knew she was ok and God was working. Another day of peace for me and my family. I appreciate everything God gives me now. I never know from one day to the next if my mother will have a good or bad day. Never knowing if she will be admitting to the hospital or not. Or whether she will live or not. This is real and this is how I feel most days. Some mornings I hesitate when I go to her bed and begin to wake her for her bath, because I fear she will be having a bad day and I will hear her moans of pain. I thank God for each and every day she is in my life.

This evening Jayden came over and me and my mom played with him. My mom loves to see him and she loves to mother on him. She told me he was constipated and how to help him, hold him and encouraged me to tell his mother what he ate while he was here and that he was a little sick. This amazes me, but it shouldn't she IS a MOTHER. Every piece of information she gave me was correct. Then she told me to "bring him here", she is weak but I know she will not drop him because she is a mother. I watch closely as she holds him so carefully and kisses him on his cheek. I know she wishes she was herself before her illness so she could really enjoy him. I see it in her eyes as she watches me play with him. Jayden likes her and smiles at her whiles she holds him, he is never afraid because her touch makes him feel secure and loved.

Ariel, Dominique and I continue to plan Chris Birthday memorial. Ariel has chosen the Chopshop. She is having a beach party during the day then the dinner. Dominique is doing a barbque that weekend for family and friends. Ariel put together the invites and she will order a cake, maybe a cake made with his iniitals. She is arranging photographer, Johnny Hollywood who does excellient work. We are expecting a wonderful celebration.

Today I was surprised by Lori Sanders and Cheryl. They are taking me out to dinner for my belated birthday dinner. I thought we were going out for our Girl's Night Out then Lori told me it was for my birthday. I felt so blessed, I don't get to hang out with these two ladies much but when we do we have big fun. I am excited and expecting to have fun and good conversation.


Monday, May 10, 2010

Day 75 - Peace no Drama


This morning we I awoke I asked the Lord for Peace. He gave me Peace. In my prayers I tend to ask for peace and God's blessings. Today I needed and wanted Peace is a strong way. Every move I made today, I asked if my decisions would lead me toward Peace or drama. I then choose Peace. When my phone rang I said a silent pray and prayed the phone call would be peace no drama. It was if the Lord was whispering in my ear. I recognize God's power and love for me. So I listened for what God wanted me to do. As He is my father and would not tell me anything wrong. IT WORKED.

I worked in Peace and came home to Peace. I so Trust and Believe that God gives the Peace that surpasses all understanding. Today was a day I decided I would try to calm others and in doing so my day would be calm. IT WORKED !

I decided to have dinner with Chris' friends on his birthday July 15th. I have chosen Ariel as my event planner. She has chosen the venue and is currently making the invites. I gave her my vision, Oh No, I did not give her my budget. She is a big spender. Let me call her .........


Sunday, May 9, 2010

Day 74 - Mother's Day/Best Day Ever



Oh my, the Lord is good !!! With God's love I made it through Mother's Day !! I rejoice in God's goodness. Pastor James, Pastor James !!! Awesome Man of God. His sermon ministered to my soul. I am so glad God put me at NCBF. The love I experience there can only come from God. God used Sis Sylvia and Sis Tammie and their children to minister to us through song. The songs were so appropriate. I cried through most of the service, but that was OK, I needed to purge myself. After church one of Chris' best friends and I had a time to reflect on Chris and his memory. Then I met another young man who knew Chris and he did not know I was Chris' mom, when he was made aware of it, he weeped. I was able to encourage both these young men and their love for Chris touched me. Friends at church and friends outside of church, loved on me with words of encouragement. I love the people of God. Their love is so genuine.

Oh my, Dominique took me to dinner. It was awesome, we talked and laughed about almost everything. She has a heart of gold. She brought a card and signed Chris name to it and presented it to me. The words were so meaningful, I know she picked it especially for me. She told me Chris would want me to have it. She told me that Chris always reminded her that it was mother's day, and that he always wanted to make sure I was recognized and loved on. After dinner Dominique and I did a little shopping at the Mall :)

Now moving on to my MaMa, OLIVIA DUNLAP. My best friend. One of her favorite sayings on these type of days is "Give me my Flowers while I yet Live". I practice this with her daily. She has practiced this for as long as I have known her. Now you may not like your flowers but she giving them to you. lol She wanted to go to dinner with me and Dominique which made me and Nique giggle. It was the way she said it, you have to know my mother to know her humor, funniest woman I know. Her best friend and Deacon from her church stopped by, my cousin and his friend and my friend Karen stopped in to make her feel special. She did I was so glad she was alert and well enough to receive company.

I am learning to celebrate life daily. It feels so good.


"Happy Mother's Day" means more
Than have a happy day.
Within those words lie lots of things
We never get to say.
It means I love you first of all,
Then thanks for all you do.
It means you mean a lot to me,
And that I honor you.

But most of all, I guess it means
That I am thinking of
Your happiness on this, your day,
With pleasure and with love.

written by Dominique A. Jordan


Saturday, May 8, 2010

Day 73 - TGIS


For the last few days I have been focused on my mom and work. I am so glad it is Saturday. For the next few days there is no work. I actually slept in until 9:00 am. It felt so good, I don't have any real plans until this evening. 4C has an event, I usually look forward to these, planning comes naturally. My career as a therapist is rewarding, but the paperwork and documentation sucks. The people I work with are kind and this helps. As you know I have been struggling with new management, dealing with my mom and grieving the loss of my son. Not to make excuses but it is the truth. Thursday and Friday of this week I spent focused only on my day job, documenting and getting the job done. This means blocking out everything, and I do mean everything and work. Is it working, YES. To be continued next week.

The Lord helps me through my work week last week. Only he could put in me what I needed to get the job done. I appreciate God. I am so glad to know you God, to be in a relationship with You.

My mom is doing alot better this week. I am working under the direct instruction of my mom's doctor and nurses. This means I have extra work to do. I have to change my mom's dressings every a.m., we are pushing fluids and she is asking for food. I had to make her some ox tails with pinto beans :) She ate it and woke up the next morning asking for leftovers. Her fluids have increased considerably, including her supplement. God you are good. I pray everyday for her healing and comfort.

I'm gonna run out to do a few light weight, plesaurable errands (shopping). See ya

Thanks for following my blog.




Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Day 70 - Prayer Warriors


It is what it is !

I am the type of person that likes to keep things real ! What is real for me might not be real for another ! I am learning that everybody is different, and we all handle life stresses so differently. I try and get along with everyone and I am not confrontational. So when I am confronted I am uncomfortable with it. But I try and learn something from every experience that life brings me. I realize God is doing something in my life and is trying to show me something. So I stop and listen and see what he would have me to do.

I say all that to say, I pissed someone off today and didn't realize it. The person is under more stress than I knew. I learned that I cannot take this person lightly. They are serious and they don't like me. This is ok, but I need to get along with this person. So what do I do next. Well the enemy put some really immature thoughts in my head. The person does not mean that much to me personally, but again I need to get along with them. So I decided to continue to be me. Because I know I my statement was not meant to cause any harm. I do want to represent Christ in everything I do. So I must show this person God's love. But I will define boundaries and stay my distance to stay safe. I don't want to offend anyone and I did apologize. This interaction taught me that this person does not know me nor do they mean me any good.

Thank God for Jesus !!! I am so glad I know the Lord. I thank God for showing me who this person really is.

I went to pray ministry meeting this evening after work. It so good to be around fellow prayer warriors. NCBF is committed to praying for one another. We take the power of prayer serious. I remember when Chris had gotten into trouble, I learned to pray. My parents were prayer warriors so I had been brought up believing in the power of prayer. Now I was the parent and had to pray and cover my family. I really believe God can do anything so I held on to that and asked God to honor his promise. God showed me His real power. Always say I love to let watch the Lord work. I step aside, surrender myself to His will and believe. God loves when you give Him the glory. I don't mind giving Him his glory, because I am nothing but a vessel. Remember tomorrow is National Prayer Day.

After I got home Jayden came over. Earlier in the week I brought him some teething toys. They are brightly colored and he likes them. We played with them a little, then I noticed he was losing interest. He was sleep and he fell asleep so quickly. God continue to bless and protect all the children.




Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Day 69 - I will wait and see what God says


I must say I have had two of the best days. Yesterday, I had one of those "telephone call" days. You know the calls you get that rock your world. I froze for a few seconds and said I would let the Lord work things out. I made one call. I have not heard anything today, so "no news is good news". Yesterday the news was so shocking and upsetting I stayed home from work. I did not need to be around anyone, I needed to focus my attention on God and letting His Will be done. You know it was a crazy day, I did not even write my blog. I won't talk about it here, because it would be giving it too much attention.

Today I went to work, caught up on two assessments and went on about my day. I have learned that God does handle EVERYTHING! I use to hear the old people say "Give it to God" now I know what they meant. God gives me peace when I should be crazy. I face my day with the Lord in me, around me and beside me. Nothing is too big for God !

I thank God for my life. I have family, good friends and people that care about me. I face each day "Trusting and Believing" in God. God has taught me to be thankful for what I have and to work in my gifting.

Today I sought out a vendor for one of our (4C clients). I stopped by her shop and learned some valuable business lessons. Always pay attention to your customer, take time with them, and be friendly. She was not mean, but she was not engaging. I felt like I was bothering her, because I wanted to possibly purchase a service from her. She handed me what I needed but never took time to really inquire about my customer's need. She sat in her chair working and I did not feel like I could ask her anything because she was busy. I did not get upset I thought maybe she has a deadline or this was not a good day for her. Now will I encourage my client to use her, I don't know. I will pray on it and do as God leads me. Maybe God placed me in this young women's life for I reason . I will see what God says about it.


Sunday, May 2, 2010

Day 68



Today did not go without incident. It was one of those days, when you get THE phone call, you can't believe it but you go into crisis mode. The call comes when you least likely expect trouble. You know it when you hear it and you know you must react. Today I sat in the same lobby of the hospital where my son died. When I heard the hospital was Huron Road I knew it would bring up memories. I wanted and needed to go. I was there once since that night, it was the night Jayden was born. That hospital held memories of the worse and best night in my life.

At work the other day my coworker's talked about this hospital and that it was a trauma hospital which catered to gunshot wombs from gang violence in the neighborhood. I sat in silence and did not share with them that this was where my son died. I wanted to but I didn't. I didn't want to talk about it ! I didn't want to hear their apologizes, I didn't want to something I would regret. They did not mean anything against me, what angered me for the most part, was that they were telling the truth.

I am praying that my friend and her family will seek God's peace, the peace that surpassing all understanding. In times like these you have to go straight to God. Going straight to God gives you peace and understanding. A calmness that only God can give you. God helped me to keep my mind and allow Godly guidance. I remember looking at Dominique, Ariel and all of Chris' friends in that lobby. God put it in me that they needed to see peace, right THEN.

Today again my mom asked for food, I made her catfish and spinach. She ate 1/2 of her dinner and while I was gone she asked Dominique for some leftover pizza. I thank God for these improvements. She is taking in fluids as best she can. I want individuals reading this blog to pray that God gives me the patience I need to take care of my mom. Sometimes I am frustrated and I am hard on her. This makes me so sad.

God is good today as he was yesterday.





Saturday, May 1, 2010

Day 67









God is so worthy !!! Today was wonderful.

Today was one of those days that I did not much planned. This simple day turned into a very pleasant day. Throughout the day I was surrounded by family and friends. My friend Jessica surprised me today and was here from California. It was so good to see her, she was so close to Chris. She and Chris had such a special bond, if he did not already have a Godmother she would have been it. She is Hammer's mother and Chris and Hammer were brothers. She stayed over for a long while and we visited and played with Jayden. We also found out we have a common bond/love for Edward. Yes, another Team Edward fan. Ariel has not really chosen a team, we are trying to recruit her to Team Edward. Ariel and Jessica went to Target and picked up all 4 books. Ariel took Twilight and New Moon, I have Eclipse and Breaking Dawn. They we will switch. Fun, Fun, Fun.

4C had an appointment scheduled to see a venue for an upcoming event. The venue is family owned and it is in tip top shape. The family pride's themselves on customer service and meeting the client's needs. They have a really nice package and we (4C) were in awe. Get ready folks our upcoming public event will be fantastic. We will be sure to keep everyone posted on our facebook page.

Today was full of pleasant surprises, I thank God for providing for me and my family.

Friday, April 30, 2010

Day 66- iweb



Yes it is Friday !!

This means alot to me. It means I have a few days to do some of the things I want and like to do. Again today we had lot's of assessments and tasks to accomplish at work. I am so swamped that it is difficult for me to focus and get the tasks done. We have been busy before, but this time it is different. We have a different supervisor, who is being pushed to take everything on, and we don't have the manpower to pull it off. Yesterday we had a sibling group of 6, in addition to our already heavy caseload. Well our supervisor went out and assessed 4 of the 6. She is already assigning assessments for next week and we haven't begun to finish this week's assignments. We are even having to get another department to take a few of the assessments. Like they don't have enough to do. Our department is critical in that we fill beds that allow other's to work and bill. I know, I should be talking about how we service children, but for the past few months that has not been the focus.

I said all that to say this. Thank God It's Friday !!

I came right home after work and got busy working on a new website for 4C. I am doing it in iweb for Mac. This is a easy enough program. It has it's advantages and disadvantages. Advantages; clean and modern look, attaches photos instantly, text is easily added. Disadvantages; the template is not allowing me to put logo where I want, no administrative page where I can go in and add codes for widgets (facebook and twitter widgets), contact page-how do I add boxes for clients to fill in information and send us email.

I am sure someone can help me work these kinks out. I was actually able to do a 8 page website in a matter of 4 hours. I will have my partners check it out and we will launch it. How exciting, I had lost some interest in our current website. We need to send a new message to our audience. I love technology and how it allows us to communicate. Totally amazing I love Mac. My Mac works like magic.

I love working with technology and seeing how a click here and tap there on a keyboard produces effective communication. God please give me more wisdom in this area and I want to be a benefit to 4C and in doing so I will make sure You get the glory.

I will keep everyone posted when we launch our new website. If you have not already done so check out our current site www.4cEventplanners.com

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Day 64




This day is winding down and boy am I glad. I am tired. I have so much to do that it is difficult to priortize my many tasks. It seemed like, task after task, after task is accumulating. I am asking God to help me tomorrow. On top of what I have, I need to do a new assessment tomorrow. Only God can help me get through all these assignments and do a professional job.

Well for our 4C Event Planning company we have begun to use a project and task management software program. We started using it last week and it allowed me to organize my tasks and have completed the majority of my tasks. The program is Manymoon, really saves lot of time and most important it keeps us focused. In this week that we began to use it, it has blessed us. God is really blessing 4C, growing us and giving us wisdom. If only I could use Manymoon at my day job :(

Jayden came over today and I am so excited. He and I played and had fun together. He is growing up so fast, he is already 4 months old. He is now interested in toys, he likes toys that have lights on them. His eyes light up as he examines the objects. It is so special watching life through his eyes. He is soooooo adorable.



Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Day 64-God's will


Two Days of being productive!

One of my goals to stay focused and on task. For the past few months I have had lots on my mind. As a result my work has suffered. My mind is full of thoughts of Chris and my mother. My memory is real bad. It is a challenge for me to recall most things. I have tried to save my mother and in doing so my work has suffered. I have been off work alot. Today the ethical team at the Clinic wanted to met with me regarding my mother. My mother had said she did not want a feed tube so I have to live with that and move on. Instead of going to the meeting arguing with a team of doctors, social workers and ethical people I decided to go to work. I will let the Lord fight this battle it is TOO BIG and STRESSFUL for little old me. The team was shocked that I didn't come, I am choosing my battles wisely.

My mom came home and she is eating. She requested Boston Chicken !! Praise God !!!
Pray that she continues to take in her nutrition so that she and rebuild her body and heal. Let God's will in her life be done.

My eating for the most part was good, I had a Naked Juice for lunch with a Amy's Mac and Cheese (soy). Loved it !!!

Someone close to me disappointed and hurt me today. It triggered some of my lost issues. I cried and moved on. I sought God first in every communication, this is real helpful. It keep me from really going off. I imaged what I could say and then I thought how this would impact our relationship. Harsh words would not help the situation. I will be more careful allowing this person in my life. God has shown me who they really are and until they grow some in their walk I won't me walked over by them.

This evening 4C had a meeting with a potential client. We are working with them to plan a special event. Stay tuned ladies this will be something you most definitely be interested in.



Monday, April 26, 2010

Day 63 - I Confess


Ok, Ok, Ok I Confess. I have had a few not so good days of eating. If you followed my early blogs, Day 1 to 40 you will notice that I dedicated special attention to and listed a new healthy food experience. I would even list a photo or two of items that I hoped you would also enjoy.

Well you haven't seen that lately. Why? Because I have been slipping. Now I won't post/share what those items were. But let me put it this way me and God know, and let's leave it as that. Well today I went shopping and stacked up on my healthy Naked juices, Amy's dinners and burritos.

Ok, now that I got that off my chest, I feel so much better lol

I had a productive day at work. I felt so good being that productive. It seemed like everything I touched turned to gold. I give God the glory and honor for this. I assessed one youth today, and placed another in foster care and one in the ITU. Awesome work. My supervisor complimented me and in an email she told me I did a good job. She is trying and I am trying. We are on the same page. I am trying really hard to be obedient to my new supervisor. I have been praying for a peaceful work environment.

My mother's situation will work itself out. My mom is the most loving person I know, but she has a stubborn streak. I am backing off and allowing her to make her own medical decisions. Pray for us !!


Sunday, April 25, 2010

Day 62 - Praise Him in Advance

I’ve had my share of ups and downs, times when there was no one around, God came and spoke these words to me, praise will confuse the enemy.

I started singing, I started clapping, I started dancing, people were laughing, they knew my problems, they knew my pain, but I knew God would take them away.

I have my share of ups and downs, times when there was no one around, God came and spoke these words to me, praise will confuse the enemy.

I started singing, I started clapping, I started dancing, people were laughing, they knew my problems, they knew my pain, but I knew God would take them away.

That’s why I praise him with my hands, that’s why I praise him with a dance, He’s given me a second chance, come on lets praise him in advance.

That’s why I praise him with a song, when things are right and when they’re wrong, He’s given me a second chance, come on lets praise Him in advance

Praise Him
Praise Him
Praise Him
Praise Him
Praise Him
Praise Him
Praise Him in advance

Today I went to service and I felt God's presence. Lord thank You for loving me no matter what, when I doubted you, you stayed around and renewed my strength. When I was mad at You, you calmed me and surrounded me with loving people to help me get through the storm. Today during worship and praise the lyrics spoke to me directly. It was if the words to this song were written for me, and from the reaction of other worshipers they were touched by the meaningfulness of the words. You are a good God no matter what you are worthy of the praise. I want to thank and praise you in advance.

Last night I attended the Carol Grossman award at the Science Center. Our CEO was present. I can best described her as being a tough, corporate, smart woman who has worked hard along side Mario to make Beech Brook the number 1 agency in Ohio. I will speak for myself in saying she well respected but last night at the award ceremony I gained a deeper sense of respect for her. In conversating with her I found out she was a woman of God. I had no clue. I would have never thought she would be pouring into me words of God. She allowed God to use her. I am use to people at work consoling and saying kind appropriate words since Chris' death. But she began to speak scriptures to me and told me God has a plan for me. She and I we were about to have church up in the Science Center. lol Praise God !! I knew she was a smart lady but now I feel even more confident that she has Godly wisdom and will use it to carry our agency through our financial storm. Overall Beech Brook has been super duper ! Shout out to Mark our clinical director who loves children and always works in their best interest. He donated monies in Chris' memory to Beech Brook Annual Fund. When I found this out it moved me to tears.

Ok, Ok enough about Beech Brook !! No seriously, I get upset sometimes about work, but overall our leadership is excellient, this is one reason I have remained there for 16 years. I love, respect and recognize good leadership.

Speaking of good leadership, Pastor James is the best shepherd ever. His vision is awesome, his teaching is on point. NCBF is so blessed to have him. I pray for him and his family as often as I can. That God will cover and bless him.

Saturday, April 24, 2010

Day 61- I am Woman



It's a New Day, It's a New Season !!!

I am thanking God for allowing me to move into a new season in my life. Spring has always been my favorite. I love to rebirth and growth. In the spring I prepare myself for beauty as Spring does. I usually begin to power walk in the morning to prepare my body for the summer. The flowers, especially the tulips are ready to bloom, as I walk I notice them as they grow each day. God is amazing, he puts so much beauty here for us to enjoy. He has also put that beauty in women. Women are such beautiful beings, as I dress in the morning I watch myself evolve into a very attractive woman lol Now I am not saying this to be prideful, but in a Godly way. He designed us to be beautiful, strong, gentle, nurturing and caring. I praise God for this, I love being what God designed me to be. God continue to use me to bring other's to Christ and allow other's to see You in me.

Today my Uncle Calvin will be in town. Love this man !!! He is coming to see my mother, he is her baby brother and boy does she LOVE him. They have a special bond. My mother's father was very abusive to my grandmother. As a result my grandmother had to flee and the only child she was able t take was my Uncle Calvin. My mother and the other siblings lived without a mother for about 6 years. My Uncle Calvin had my grandma Bobbie his entire life. My mother missed her mother and Uncle Calvin. She reunited with her mother and Uncle Calvin when her father died. Uncle Calvin missed his siblings and when they reunited they clung to each other.

My Uncle Calvin has always been the responsible brother, who make sure his sisters are ok. He got to go to private school as a child, which was something unordinary in their times. He is a bright man and has always made wise financial investments. He has always been my mother's favoriate brother. She has 9 siblings and they have always been close, he is the last surviving problem. I can't wait until she sees him, she knows he is coming and she is excited. She knows he loves her.

Today was eventful, my Uncle, aunt and cousin were in town. We visited with my mom and she was so happy. She talked and talked and talked. She had such a good visit, I was so happy she was alert today and looking pulled together. She was in some pain but we got her nurse and got some medications in her.

Wow, Wow !! I went to the Science Center to support Terri D. my girl, she got the Carol Grossman award from the Heights Parent Center. It was a good time, her mother was there, her staff and our CEO from Beech Brook. My business partner Arlene is on the Heights Parent Center Board and she planned and executed the event. She contracted with Bro Damon and Sarah's Girl and the band was amazing as always. Stacey S. was the caterer and the food was fantastic. Terri's acceptance speech was so Terri, she is a humble woman with many talents. I was happy to share this evening with her, she has always been such a supportive person to me and so many others. She so deserved this award and any other that is given to this woman. I have known Terri for over 25 years and she has not changed one bit, from the first time we met while working at Case she was engaging and sweet. She does not have children of her own, but loves on so many children in her work. She has a God daughter that she adores and has raised and done a wonderful job. Terri is the kind of sister that will take her coat off, shoes off , but not her purse (insider) lol and give it to you. She loves the Lord and has been a blessing to so many.

I miss Jayden I have not seen my FAT FAT in a week. I will try and steal him from Ariel tomorrow at some point.

Hey I want to give a shout out to Nicole for Manymoon task management program. Awesome !!


Thursday, April 22, 2010

Day 59 - Favor, Grace and MERCY


I got through today with no major incident !

I am praising God for his favor, grace and mercy. God you have been so good to me. You cover me and provide for me every minute of the day. I want into work today knowing stuff was gonna hit the fan. I did not react impulsively I stop and thought about consequences of me acting a fool. I had to calmly take charge and submit to my boss. I am so glad I know the Lord or I would be unemployed this day. I could not let 16 years of employment go down the tube. Lord help me !!

I love to see the Lord work in me and in others. God gave me the words. Today in my supervisor's office God was so good to both of us. I realize she is doing her job and is new to it and wants our department to be successful.

My mother remains at the Cleveland Clinic. Please pray for her. Social workers wants to talk to me tomorrow about her discharge plan. Pray for God's will in my mother's care.

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Rough Day - New Moon - DAY 58


This morning I prayed for healing and comfort for my mom. I did not go into work today so I could met with doctors and social workers regarding my mom's care. They could not find anything wrong with her other than declining health. They did not put IV on her because there was not enough evidence that she was dehydrated. The doctor called me this evening and said her iron is low and tomorrow they will run test. They may consider putting a feeding tube in her stomach. She was very quiet today and only said a few words, her voice was a whisper. I don't know what's wrong.

Right now I am a bit confused and need God's guidance and wisdom in this matter. The doctors want to give up on her. This is concerning but I don't put my trust in doctors. God's will will be done in regards to my mother.

After I visited my mom and talked to doctors I had spa day at Simply Chic, hair and pedicure. It was so relaxing I nodded out while my pedicure was being done. I had to treat myself to something relaxing and pleasurable.

I'm tired tonight. I may turn in early. I have been watching some movies. I am a fan of the Twilight series. I viewed New Moon last night, Love it. It is so romantic. At first I was torn thinking the movie was dark and satantic because it is about vampires. So wrong, it is romance and love gone over board. lol I plan to attend the opening night of Eclipse on June 30th. I am a Edward fan, he is so cool and smooth he has swaggert.


Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Day 57 - Mama's smile


Mama woke up this morning talking and asking about my dear aunt Betsy who died over 20 years ago. This was about 6:30 a.m. , so we chatted about that and then she had two important requests. The first was I want to get in the chair and fix me some something to eat. These are things that my mother does not say. So I immediately gave God the glory he so rightly deserves. Then she took her medication without incident :) I hit a home run, a grand slam !

I was in total amazement. She sat in the chair, held her own cup and ate 1/2 scramble egg. Yeah, 1/2 egg is alot for her to eat. She sat in the chair without having to be propped up. It was so totally amazing I had to capture it in this photo. (left photo)

Ok, well ! Around 3:00 p.m. her caregiver called to tell me that my mom was not talking and that she was starring into space and not responding. I called her nurse practioner and I discussed her current condition and EMS was called. I left work and went to the Clinic. They had a team working to evaluate her current condition. As I walked in the doorway a doctor was blocking her view of me. Somehow she caught a glimpse of me and she smiled the sweetest smile. It meant the world to me. In her smile I saw my mother, my real mother. She has not smiled in months, but for that second or two she was my mom. That smile will be stetched in my mind for the rest of my life. Since Chris' death I pay attention to every detail. My last vision of Chris was him smiling at me from Ariel's car and they drove past me. I remember the whites of his eyes, the sparkle and the brightness of his smile. He actually waved at me, jokingly because they were passing me, speeding past as if we were racing. I thank God for those moments, those smiles we shared. I did not know that would be the last time I saw my baby boy. No regrets !!!

I know she struggling, but she loves life so much that she keeps trying. Throughout her life God has blessed her and continues to use her as his vessel. Her body is a frail shell of what she use to be. I know she is aware of her illness but she has never said the words I wish I were dead, or Lord take me. I listen, she has not given up and I have not given up on her and she knows this. She listens as I talk with the doctors and they try to figure out what's wrong. She lays there, and they tell her how blessed she is.

The professionals really want my mom in a nursing/rehab center. So they sent a social worker into her room to talk to me. She was a good social worker, but you see I am too. So I knew what she was working on. She spent an hour with me and by the time she left the room she understood, I LOVE my mother and I am really working in her best interest. She asked me how I was paying for home care, if I had Passport and I said I am paying. God has blessed me to be able to keep her home for now. I thank God for this. God works it out every Friday when I pay the caregiver. My mother knows I have discussed it with her. She is the funniest person I know, both my parents were blessed with the best sense of humors. Seriously !!! She said "Oh so you think you rich, ha", I smile and said yeah. I then told her you have worked so hard to take care of us your whole life you deserve to be taken care of. This silenced her humor, because she knows love, she modeled love to me. I know this is what she would have done. I know this is what God wants me to do.

Pray for us !!

Monday, April 19, 2010

Day 56 - Monday


Monday !

I had a really busy weekend so of course, I dreaded getting up for work this morning. I asked God for help, because I really needed to go in. I had quite a bit of work on my desk to complete so I can stay on schedule and ready for another evaluation. The Lord threatened me, from out of no where I got up and got my day started. Only God could energize me enough to get through this day.

Monday helps me appreciate Saturday and Sunday so much better. After I got to work, I was productive. Again, nothing but God, keeping me focused on what I need to do. I had to run several errands after work, so I was not able to do the gym and get home by 7 :(

I had veggie sushi for lunch it was good, I tend to have it about once a week. Tomorrow I plan to leave early enough to stop at Heninen's and pick up some Amy's burritos and probably a salad.

I got home and my cousin Floyd was waiting outside for me. He had brought my mother a cd player and some christian music. My mother is weak today, and not talking much, she is dehydrating again. It seems she cannot take in enough fluids to stay hydrated. As she listened to the christian music I saw her thin, fragile arm go in the air and move around she was praising God. It touched me, sometimes I forget she is an "original christian" and a former pastor's wife. For as long as I have known her she has loved the Lord and given him the glory in her life. In my mother's sickness she holds on to God.



Sunday, April 18, 2010

XO - Young Talent - Day 55










XO Prime Steak - Wow ! Wow ! Wow !

Happy Birthday Lisa and Ariel !!!

Today we celebrated Ariel and her mother Alisa's birthday. We had a wonderful time. Their family is really close and they support one another. I really got to know them immediately after Chris' death. They reached out to me and made me feel welcomed in their family. I see such similarities in their families as in mine. They are really close and nurturing to the young ones. They love Jayden as I do and enjoy being around him. He is a fornuate child to have loving family members on both sides. With Chris' death I gained a grandbaby I adore and a whole new family, really nice Godly people. Alisa calls Jayden Grand Boy he really loves her his face lights up when he sees her.

Since I have ventured into the event planning business, I pay closer attention to service, food and venues design. I give XO a 9. The private dining area which the manager comped to Ariel held up to 45 people. The servers managed the group with skill, food came out in a very timely manner, and it was absoutely delicious. I did not hear a complaint in the room. As busy as they were meeting all of the 45 individual needs my ice tea glass never went empty. One of the servers actually carried Jayden to the car for us.

There is so much young talent in Cleveland. Johnny MrHollywood Thirdboy who is known to facebook users was the photographer for the evening. He graduated from Heights last year with Chris. Ariel and I picked him up and all he had in his hand was one very nice camera. He calls himself "invisible". Ariel did not want alot of posed shots she wanted him to capture the guest without knowing they were being photographed. I noticed him a few times but he did his job as she requested. There was a really nice vintage car passing by and as the car caught our eye he had already snapped the shot. He is really reasonable and responsible. I plan to use him for a project on our website.

Another young talent was the cake designer, she is a recent Heights graduate. Ariel told her what she wanted and at first she did not know how to do gold icing. So she did what any good student does, she asked her teacher. I think she did an awesome job. The cake was super moist and delicious.

Now Ariel, who prides herself as being a fashion designer and event planner did a really good job. She got the private dining area of a 5 star venue for no cost. She designed the cake she dreamed of and got it made after talking to several cake makers, including White Flour Cake. Their prices were out of her budget so she searched until she got what she wanted in her budget. Her photographer is up and coming so he was reasonable. She coordinated her mother's outfit and her own. She had custom thank you give aways ordered for the guest. They were the M&M with pictures of her and her mom. Really nice touch. She just may be the next 4C intern lol. Her mother was surprised and very happy, all her work was worth it.

I photographed my dish it had pasta with garlic and butter sauce, muscle, jumpo shrimp, and scampi. Wow

I gave Ariel a special gift, when I saw it I had to get it. She, me and Chris understand.
Stay beautiful Ariel.

(for brunch I joined 4c my business partners for a meeting at First Watch)





Saturday, April 17, 2010

It's Saturday, It's Saturday !! Me Oh My It's Saturday !








This morning when I woke up I thought it was a workday and to my surprise it was Saturday. I was so grateful ! I stirred around the house a little then laid back down. I looked at my phone and discovered a text from my friend Sis Stephanie. She was reminding me of lunch to celebrate my birthday. We had not been able to connect during March but she did not forget. She is a good woman of God. During our lunch she witnessed about God's goodness and worked on convincing us to serve in any way we could to Young Lives. Young Lives is an organization that promotes empowering young teen mothers and pouring into them the word of God. Many of the young teens have powerful testimonies. They are in need of mentors and their club house needs some rehab work. Stephanie is passionate about helping others and she has a heart for these young single moms. There is an upcoming event "Big Bag Brunch", they will share information about Young Lives and there will be a silent auction for donated hand bags. GREAT IDEA ! I plan to attend, I went to one of there previous dinners and it was time well spent. If you are interested hit Sis Stephanie Herriott up on facebook or contact me, I can hook you up her or Esha, who is the administrator.

The ladies at lunch are ladies that I love and they have special places in my heart. We have histories together either through Life Groups, Choir and business. These are young women who inspire me and help me know God's goodness. I was pleased that they brought Kalia who I do not know as well. She is working to build a relationship with God and loves the Lord. We all had a wonderful time.

The food was delicious, but the service was slow. The manager explained that some of the new workers did not show. He only had himself serving tables and one waitress. He was OK, he made me a special drink for my birthday. It was gooooood. I had a Wild Mushroom Pita with unsweetened tea. Oh, how could I forget sweet potatoe french fries. Best thing going :)

Stephanie, I know you follow my blog, I pray you read today's blog. I appreciate your friendship. You are an awesome woman of God and an wonderful mother, daughter and friend !!

Friday, April 16, 2010

Doing Me - Day 53


I overslept this morning, I was so tired, I had Jayden last evening and he was not feeling well. He had gas on his stomach and he cried and screamed and cried. My partners of 4C helped me soothe and do a old school remedy. So this morning I was exhausted. I started my day a little behind schedule but made it to work only 3 minutes late.

I worked on paperwork and completed the assessment I needed to complete. I also started a new one and may need to do another this coming Monday. It has been busy, but this is good, our agency needs the numbers.

I picked up an outfit for workout during lunch. It is nice and comfortable. I went to the gym after work and did the treadmill and stationary bike. I plan to do the steam, sauna and whirlpool tomorrow after my work out. I will need to remember to take a bathing suit. I am enjoying Lifetime Fitness, I get as much or as little as I need per day. I occasionally see people I know.

I am enjoying "doing me" again. Little by little, step by step I am reconnecting with me. I first had to reconnect with God, the Fast helped with this. I am enjoying taking care of myself, I first began by changing my eating habits and now I have incorporated exercise.

Please pray that I will continue in this path.