Diary

Lord I come to You humbly, trusting You.  Lord of everything, I am amazed at Your power.  How You so willingly give it to me.  Lord I trust that You have my best interest and knowing this gives me strength.  You show Yourself magnificent to me.  I pray that all in my life are blessed and that my prayers cover them.

Blogging gives me a release, a way to get things out of my system.  Sometimes I ramble, sometimes I make complete sense.  As a teenager, I had endless diaries.  Only difference is that diary/journal came with a lock and key.  This journal/blog is open for the entire world to see if they choose.  As I youth I had SECRETS probably about boys or expressing my anger toward something me and my mother had conflict about.  As an adult I realize boys don’t make or break me, and those conflicts with my mother help mold me into the woman I am today.  Also those conflicts and her over protectiveness kept me from getting into trouble, as she would call it with boys and as a result I did not become a teen mom. 

Now don’t get me wrong I think every woman needs a Boaz but I make it a point to live my life serving God.  If it is God’s plan for me to connect, I know it is to better serve of the Kingdom of God and be a good wife in support of my man.  I am so glad I know this during this time of my life, so that I can clearly examine the heart of the man.  Looking for his spiritual strengths and his reasons of interest in me.  As a therapist we have clear cut clinical tools to assessment, diagnosis and treat.  Individuals who work with me tease me and say girl you better take the assessment tools with you to see if he’s crazy.  They are true this along with spiritual discernment will be a trip for any brother approaching me. 

Now I never write about men or relationships, so is God preparing me for something.  God only knows !  My baggage related to men and relationships as been deep, some real messed up relationships.  I had completely shut myself out of opening my heart to a relationship.  Then I witnessed first hand a man’s love for a woman and it renewed my faith.  God was working in me quietly, revealing to me that ALL men are not crazy losers.  Then conversations with my accountability partner said that if God has a husband in mind for me then that is God’s plan.  WOW !  Light bulb moment !  I was like really, I have to trust that God can make and design a man for me, sensitive to my needs and if it is of God the relationship will bless the both of us and our testimony will help others. 

I admit I do struggle with the idea of sharing my life and my time.  I enjoy everything I do, True Image, Life Groups, hair appointments, running around on Saturdays, meetings, dinner with friends, hanging out with friends and family, baby sitting Jayden, FA meetings.  Now possible could a relationship fit in this.  God can do anything, I need to stop over thinking everything and live in the moment.  I’m tripping and I don’t even have a man, Lord have mercy on me.  But it’s so real to me. 

Workout:  Last night we worked OUT !  I felt good in my body, tired but I felt good about the workout.  We got it in !  I thank God for True Image.  I then went to Fit for the King, I was tired in my body so I just mingled in, walked/job and supported the ladies through their workout :)

Weekend:  NCBF Seed Team, “Let the church say amen” with friends and then dinner.  NCBF worship service.  Get my house in order (wash clothes and clean my bedroom LOL ) I have a 12 o'clock meeting for a possible business venture, they think I will be good at it, they see something in me I am not feeling, but I will go and listen and pray about it.

Beauty:  Derablend and setting powder is the bomb diggity.  REALLY !  Don’t sleep on it !  Love it Love it !  Hands down the best coverage I have ever had.  Key is to use less to maintain a natural look and use setting powder to keep it from moving.

Obedience

Lord Jesus my savior, I want to take this day and celebrate You.  In celebrating I will continue to practice patience and obedience.  A day of thanksgiving in honor of You.  Lord I thank You for seeing something in me that I did not see myself.  I thank You for continuing to develop me in my areas of gifting.  I wait on you Lord patiently and do as I am lead.  Obedience Obedience Obedience.

Obedience, as a young adult I rebelled against my parents in a big way.  Doing things that I knew was totally against the way they had raised me.  As you see I said young adult, I didn’t dare challenge them as a teen, I waited til I was GROWN  lol   My disobedience lead me down a path of destruction.  I turned my back on my parent’s rules and most of all God’s word.  I knew what God’s word said, but I knew what I wanted to do, because I was GROWN. 

My disobedience resulted in me being in several SO WRONG relationships.  For a period of my life I did drugs, I went to bed with my morning pick me up on my night stand.  You see I leaned on drugs and WRONG relationships instead of God.  I spent over 25 years in the WORLD living as I saw fit.  That was a long time to be out of God’s will, as I reflect I know it was my mother’s prayers covering me that kept me and God’s plan for me to one day to be a living testimony. 

I have no earthy parents, no husband, just me !  I think about this sometimes and a rush of fear comes over my body.  Then within seconds I realize my Father sits high and loves me more than I could ever imagine.  This instantly comforts me.  My number one fear as I grew up even as an adult was losing my mother.  I could not image life without her here on earth.  God prepared me for the day in bits and pieces and when her day came to depart I was relieved.  Now that’s God !  God shows his power in such different like ways to me.  He shows it in such a way I know it is Him carrying me. 

I will continue to practice obedience and patience !  I know how living outside of God’s will looks and I don’t want any part of that.  I use to have a lot of what ifs; what if I had stayed connected to God at age 18 how would my life look now.  That’s the past and I can’t do anything about it but learn from it and move on.  I am thankful I know God for who He is right now. 

Tonight is Fit for the King, my continued prayer for the group is that each and every one is blessed in a special way.  That they leave feeling a sense of hope and a deeper knowledge of God’s presence in their life.  I pray that they are successful and as a result are motivated to continue their journey of a healthier lifestyle.  I pray that they see God’s reflection in themselves and know that God made them and created them unique from anyone else.  That they seek out their gifting and use it to glorify God.  I pray for leadership as we lead by example, continue to allow us to desire a healthy lifestyle.  Build our knowledge and creativity to keep the class interesting.  Bless our coach as she is a wonderful example of leadership and a wealth of knowledge and she pushes and encourages us to do our best job possible.  Bless her in her journey. 

My FA sponsor has given me permission to have rice/potatoes or yam.  YES Lord !  I am pleased about this.  I have to weigh in tomorrow morning then next Friday, if I gain then I will be taken off, but if I lose or maintain I can continue.  This is encouraging, so now my meals will consist of protein; protein, salad, hot veggie, and potatoes/rice/yam.  This is basically I balanced meal.  I am happy and so grateful. 

Praying a special prayer for friends and family.  Lord You know their needs provide in a special way.  Show your hand of favor, grace and mercy.  Thank You Lord !

Beauty:  I pray that all women embrace who they are and live a life of purpose.  This is more beautiful than any MAC, NARS, Philosophy, Wet N Wild, Milani, Sephora, Ulta, Dermablend that temporary enhances our beauty.  Let us not lean totally on cosmetics but work on our inner beauty. 

I’m getting it in at True Image tonight !  Yeah 

Patience

Lord God !  King of Kings ! Ruler of all Nations !  I hold you in awe.  Your power exceeds anything that my human self can envision.  You know me, You created me and love me. You are my   You Lord You ! 

Yesterday, I did something I would have only dreamed about doing this time a year ago.  God is working in and through me to help me along my journey.  I am so grateful. Whatever develops from it I will be content with, I am just happy that I am in a place to even be considered.  God is allowing me to see my opportunities and I pray that I proceed in a Godly manner.

I will now sit still, and wait for the Lord to direct my path.  Waiting with patience knowing that God is continuing to work in me giving me what I need.  I do see that when God blesses not only I am blessed but he blesses others.  It is not all about me, myself and I.  God sees the total big picture. I am so glad that I am in a place where He can use me. 

Tonight is prayer service and Life Group.  I am going with great expectations. 

We have prepared for tomorrow’s night Fit for the King.  We will be helping the ladies to learn how to read food labels and following up for feedback on Dr. Karen’s session.  We will dig in the word and allow God to speak to us.

Beauty: I got a couple of my products yesterday.  Dermablend setting powder to use over coverage cream.  Still waiting on coverage cream.  I am please with the powder, which has to be used with their products, it gives the maximum holding.  My hair is still a mess, I have reached out for an appointment.  WOW

Lord bless my family and allow things to work out today.

Bad Hair, Bad Attitude !!

Thank You Lord for blessing me and keeping peace in my heart.  Keep me motivated to live in Your will. 

For the past few days I have been down in the dumps.  Not my usually go go go !  I didn’t come to service on Sunday as I was tired.  Yes tired ! I felt like lying down and resting, I did do some organizing around the house and cooked dinner.  I am not even excited about blogging today; and this is ok.  I had a few disappointments last week so it threw me for a loop.  I also have to refer to the first book of James “Count it all Joy”.  Because although I had disappointments I had A LOT  to be grateful.  But because things didn’t roll out the way I had wished, I chose to be down.  And on top of it all my hair is like not working for me J  I know there are those that understand.  With God’s love I am gonna come from up under this rock.  I like the me that is full of energy, love and patience.  I want that me back. 

I called Whole Food this morning to set up a tour for our Life Group, some of the ladies have not been and it would be a good informational outing.  We plan to do a exercise this week to help them learn how to read labels.  I pray that they will have someone available on a Thursday night to do the tour.

Last night I spent some time with Jayden, I hadn’t seen him for a few days.  I heard them pull up so I went to the door to greet him.  It was dark and he learn my voice and he said in a loud excited voice “GRAND MA” boy did not make my day.  When he hit the top of the step he reached for me and gave me a big hug.  So nice………………………  We did a puzzle together and read a book, in the book was a slice of watermelon, he yelled Pizza, it was cut in the shape of a piece of watermelon.  He saw a picture of a bunch of banana and he began to look in my room where I keep bananas.  I know I know……. But he’s granny’s lil man……………….

Weekend: This weekend I plan to have my hair cut and styled at some point.  I will be attending "Let the Church Say Amen !"

Beauty:  I have ordered a couple new products from Amazon.  Maybelline Eye definer, I could not find medium brown in the drugstores, always sold out.  I actually got it cheaper on amazon and with free shipping.  I also ordered a book “good carb, bad carb” 4.99 excellent book, very resourceful nutritional info.  I will be sharing some of the info with the ladies in Fit for the King.  I ordered some Dermablend products and some LaRoche products, I checked my account and 2 of the items arrived today. 

Last Saturday we went thrifting for trendy and vintage clothing.  Well I was able to pick up two skirts from Thrifique (Jewish’s Women’s Council) for 5 bucks each.  I got a pair of brown sling backs for 12 bucks from Clothes Mentor and a really cute two piece outfit from Chelsea.  Chelsea never lets me down.  The suit is a neutral/oatmeal color, the jacket has a nice cut, it is from the 70s, store owner said it reminds her of Mad Men, and it does.  I put it in the cleanser this morning to be cleaned and to have the zipper fixed.  Zipper repair was 12 dollars.  Not too bad for zipper replacement.  She reduced the price from 40 to 30.  Yeah 40 at Chelsea so you know it’s cute J  Now I have to style it, since the color is neutral I can wear, brown, eggplant, coral, blue, whatever.  I will begin to explore my accessories.  I need to wear some funky shoes to enhance the vintageness of the suit.  

Step Out the Way

Step Out the Way

Lord I want to thank You for blessing our Life Group in such a special way.  You blessed every woman present.  I am grateful; please continue to use us to bless others. 

I see a difference in myself.  I have stepped aside allowing God to work his divine purpose in my life.  I am surprised at some of the things that come out of my mouth.  I know it has to be God.  It’s like I like myself now J  God is able to better use me at my current place of mind.  My mind is focused on His will and doing what pleasing Him.  Sure I fall short everyday, but I don’t beat myself up, I pray and keep things moving in a Godly, positive manner.  There are storms all around me, I am trusting God’s direction and resources. 

Each lady in our life group was able to report large and small successes, realizing it is God who gives them the strength and courage in this journey.  Dr. Karen spoke to our group last night and she had a wealth of knowledge.  What I found fascinating was the diet she gives her clients and uses herself  “no sugar, no flour” it resembles FA very closely.  She reported the success over the plan even over vegan lifestyle that is for weight loss.  She successes if you are considering plant base lifestyle and want lose to first do “protein lifestyle, no sugar no flour” first to lose then after losing switch to plant base.  Everyone was surprised that weight is lost quicker from a lifestyle of protein, no sugar and no flour.  She even spoke about the addictive qualities of sugar and flour.  I know this but it was good to hear a physician confirm it.  I felt encouraged.  It felt good for me who often struggles to know that this plan is the ultimate in weight loss.   What she didn’t say is that with this plan you lose without exercise, I chose to exercise, simply because I need and want a good challenge to my body, it makes me feel good and strong. 

And I also love the ladies and gentlemen of True Image they are my sisters in Christ and for the non believers in the room we have a chance to show God’s love.

So this information just made my night.  Dr. Karen is very resourceful and so willing to reach out.  Her discussion was so good, we ran out of time.  She had planned to lead us in Zumba, but instead she taught us a line dance.  We jammed, she wanted to demonstrate to some of the ladies who have difficulties exercising that dance is a form of movement.  We prayed blessing for Dr. Karen and truly grateful to have her in our church family.

Tonight I have dinner with one of my most exciting and energetic friends.  We use to walk together and she is a fitness guru in her own rights.  She is planning a dinner “no sugar no flour”.  Tomorrow fun with the ladies shopping and having girly fun.  I am so glad I am a girl J  Shopping, talking, laughing and of course eating.

I thank God for placing me in Fit for the King during this season, I stand in awe of God.

Exercise:  Ohhhhhh  Yes !  One of my best big ticket investments yet.  I rode my treadmill this morning at 5:30 a.m.  YEAH 5:30 a.m.   Day 2 !  2.6 miles, 301 calories, 47 minutes.  Yeah Yeah Yeah   I almost got on the floor to do some crunches and do some arm lifts.  I said almost J  I will begin to incorporate at least 10 to 15 minutes on core; sit ups, planks (I love planks), and using my hand weights to tone my beautifully flabby arms.  Now my BEHIND was sore after the treadmill, I was getting out of my car to go into Heinen’s this morning and CHILD CHILD CHILD, I had to get myself together.  After a few steps I was cool.  I really need to stretch I know better L 

Beauty Tip:  Moisturize under eyes nightly.  DO IT, Yeah !  Invest in a night cream and use it.  I am speaking from my own experience.  I wish I had, now I am J  Basically invest in a decent moisturizer with SPF and a toner.  Take care of that beautiful skin to enrich your look.  It is time consuming but get a routine and stick to it.  Learn about your skin, if it oily, dry, combination, open pores, whatever, get products that treat not only cover.  The products that treat cost slightly more but well worth it.  La Roche (sp) makes products that treat.  I recently began to use I will discuss the effects later.  But I must say even using Roc eye cream my eyes are less dark after only 3 weeks.  Roc products treat also and can be found in the drug store.

OK this is too long, I’M OUT 

Success Night

Lord in this day I am at peace with the things that are going on in my life.  I am working in and around it.  I am being resourceful with what You have given me.  Believe me I am grateful and not complaining.  Lord I thank You !  I am asking You Lord to give us a wonderfully blessed evening at Life Group. 

Tonight is Weigh in-Success Night during Fit for the King.  I am praying that each and every one of  us is blessed, encouraged and motivated to move forward in their journey.  Prior to Fit for the King, I will have my lil beLord in this day I am at peace with the things that are going on in my life.  I am working in and around it.  I am being resourceful with what You have given me.  Believe me I am grateful and not complaining.  Lord I thank You !  I am asking You Lord to give us a wonderfully blessed evening at Life Group. 

Tonight is Weigh in-Success Night during Fit for the King.  I am praying that each and every one of  us is blessed, encouraged and motivated to move forward in their journey.  Prior to Fit for the King, I will have my lil behind at True Image working it OUT. 

Ohhhh yeahhhhhhhhhh  !  This morning I worked out on my new treadmill.  Excellent piece of machinery J  I used the fan and the MP3 player.  I listened to the Book of James and some of 1^st Peter.  Awesome experience, simple awesome.  I did 45 minutes, burned 354 calories and walked 2.51 miles.  I walked an average of 3.5 mile with 7 incline.  Felt so good, my buns were burning afterwards.  I am training for the ½ Rite Aid Marathon on May 20^th.  Building up my endurance on the treadmill will help me as I have only ever walked up to 5 miles at a time.  Doing 13 miles will be a challenge.  I will need to talk to others and do research to see what other things; food, protein etc that I need to incorporate to make this happen.

It’s about time I talk about work, and my workload.  I have been handling what comes before me with patience.  I am focusing on my work with a different mindset.  Sort of like this is what they are paying me for attitude J  and that the more they ask me the more they should realize my worth.  So I am praying that I continue with this positive mindset.  Only God would work this out in me.

DISAPPOINTMENT

1^st Book of James:  Count it all Joy -  Forgive me Lord for any sins that I may have.  Lord you bless me in so many ways, I realize that when I am disappointment that things don’t turn out as I could have it, it is Your will, your divine purpose for me on this earth which is what I must honor and respect.  Guide me through this disappointment and fill me with Joy and Peace.  I am trusting You because You have rescued me from much much worse.  To God be the glory !!!!  Lord allow me to be a good servant as I go out to do your bidding.  Amen !! 

Well I weighed in today, I have not weighed in since January 1^st.  I have maintained my weight and lost about ½ lb.  Praise Him !  I did not expect to see large numbers drop so I was pleased.  For March 1^st I have set a goal of 6 lb loss.  My eating has been good no big bingeing, well maybe one, but I don’t want to think about it J J  I feel at peace with my food.  Now I do need to step up my game on the exercise tip, my treadmill is being delivered today at 4:30 p.m.  EXCITED EXCITED EXCITED  !!!!!

My realistic goal is to use it 5 out of  7 days per week.  I plan to attend True Image 2 to 3 xs per week.  Didn’t get to do True Image last night my dental appointment ran way over L  This is when my treadmill will be important.  When life throws the unexpectant; I can work it out on the treadmill.  I do workout with Fit for the King once a week for 30 minutes too.

My dental appointment was a big disappointment, I am taking the dentist advice into great consideration as he is the expert.  I had another opinion last year that said I was not a candidate for braces, and this dentist says I am, but I need lots and lots of work prior to this.  Which means lots of money.  I have an appointment with another dentist for another opinion on the 24^th.  I will wait and see what this dentist recommends and then make an informed decision. 

Yesterday I had a good long conversation with Monica my cuz, I love that gurl !  She knows me very well and challenges me.  She tickles me because it is as if she has eyes right here in Cleveland.  I need to have a gurl talk with her, she has good Godly info and I am hope my Godly wisdom blesses her in return.  I am so glad she knows and loves the Lord, so when we talk we are on the same page. 

Beauty:  Shea Butter and Coconut oil.  These are my go to body moisturizer.  In the winter my skin is so dry.  I also use Dove deep moisturizing body wash.  Sis Takeema hipped me to this body wash for winter.  It is the business.  Really, within two uses my skin was together. 

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