Functioning in the Funk

 

                         I had to use this phot again because this is the only photo that
                            uploads properly, again this is a protective style (wig) I ordered
                                                             from Canada during the holidays.

 

This is the end of the Funk series :)  I had not blogged since October 2012, this is when the Funk began, October is the month Chris passed.  This has been my worse year since he passed.  God is able to give me peace, but I had to ask.  Thank you Lord !

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Lord thank you for lifting me up and giving me love.  Thank you for your mercy, grace and favor.  You provide for me when I feel like I have nothing.  I want to be more connected to You so that I can hear You clearly. Last night I prayed for God to help me work through these depressed feelings.  God is faithful, so this is the last day of the Funk for me.

 

 

Last evening Fit for the King relaunched our Life Group.  Things went so well, we had a significant amount of ladies who want to draw closer to the Lord.  We set goals and celebrated our accomplishments.  We made smoothies and had humus and chips, yummy

 

This evening I go to dinner with one of my besties.  We are planning something really fun and exciting. I always laugh and have fun when I am in her presence J   I can’t wait.  Tomorrow morning I will be doing the 7:30 a.m. walk with Blondell and the crew.  More excitement.  Then I will be having breakfast with a dear friend we will have great conversation, we have lots in common. 

 

Natural Hair Journey – My photo uploader on this program is acting a fool.  A real fool !  I would love to share my natural hair journey.  Today I am in one of my wigs, It is a favorite, as I am a product junkie I have a backup of this wig J  YES I do !  Last evening at church, I talked with a  few ladies who are natural and they were very encouraging.  I love the natural hair community.  The sisterhood is awesome on YT and in my day to day.  Since I wore weaves and braids for years many people did not know I was natural, heck I didn’t even know I was natural.  I praise God for Juanita (hair dresser)  who did not encourage me to put the creamy crack in my hair while I wore weaves.  I saw her every two weeks so my hair was still in good shape, when she would take my hair down from weaves she would blow me out, trim my ends and let me see the beauty of my hair.  She even encouraged me to go natural and directed me to the Natural hair salon.  She felt I could work some natural styles.  She lives out of state now, but I FB her to let her know and we consult about my hair via FB.  Love me some Juanita.

 

I ordered a hair product that has natural ingredients that changes the hair color from grey to black.  It is a shampoo, a review from a trusted YT guru say it needs to be shampooed in at least 2x per month.  Since it is all natural I am cool with this. I find that dealing with the grey color in my hair is my most craziest thing about my hair that I do not like.  I know I am mature in age, but I don’t dig grey on me.  I used a semi permanent color once since I was natural and it washed right out, but while it was in it was on POINT.  So my color should be here by my next wash day.  Hopefully I will have tracked down some Nafy Puffy hair, which I want to braid in for a few weeks as a protective style. 

 

Exercise: Yes I am going out in the morning at 7:30 a.m.  I love the fellowship with the women of God and I love the way I feel when I am in a cardio state.  I don’t like getting up that early but I will do it.  My ankle is better so I will test it out tomorrow. Pray with me !

Working throught the Funk

Lord I love You more today than yesterday.  I am grateful for Your love that comforts me and keeps me safe.  Lord remove anxieties that arise in me and allow me to face my fears.  Lord you have the power to give me that peace.  I want to listen to Your voice.

 

I continue to face the funk in my life and deal with it. I am liking myself more today than yesterday.  I have several things in my life to work through and straighten out so that I am not a walking ball of fear !  I am developing a plan of action.  Write things down and attack.  Yes attack !

 

Today I have heard from two good friends which really blessed me.  God uses his people to show His love. 

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Natural Journey – yesterday I was able to upload a photo of one of my protective styles.  If you didn’t see it go back to yesterday’s post.  I tried to uploads lots of photos today and I couldn’t get it to work.  I have never had uploading issues before.  I will work it out bear with me.  The photos are hilarious !  Stay tuned !

 

Yesterday I thought of a new protective style that I feel pretty confident doing.  I plan to track down or order Nafy Collection Puffy/Fluffy hair.  I can put them in making sure to not do my edges tightly.  I have some creative ideas as to how to style the look.  I will wear it for a month and take it out.  I will work to have it in my next Saturday the 19^th, I would like to do my Agogee 2 step (sp) protein treatment before putting them in and I am due for a treatment on the 19^th.  I do protein treatment every 6 to 7 weeks.

 

I do notice that since I am nature I get bored easily with my hair styles.  I now like playing in my hair a lot and look forward to twisting, corn rolling, washing, treatment, whatever !!! Love it !!!

 

When I washed my hair Tuesday evening my hair was in good condition.  I used the NEW Cantu line, the hair lotion works well on my fine/thin hair.  It moisturized and did not leave my hair feeling like a greasy mess.  I am still looking for the curl activator, my BSS nor Target had it, I will check out Wal-Mart this weekend.  But since I am wearing protective styles I really don’t need it, but since I am a PRODUCT JUNKIE I need it in my collection. 

 

Progress since October 2012 – my hair responds well, I have learned many things about my hair, I am dealing with 3 different textures.  My top/crown is loose wavy, my sides are more nappy and the back is awesome J  If I could take my back and put it all over my head WOW !  But I am working with what I have and making it work.

Growth-I don’t do official length checks because my hair usually grows at a steady pace.  I would say my hair has grown an inch since October especially in the crown area.  This area is thin, but it grows the fastest.  I also have to acknowledge that I have trimmed my hair twice and dust the ends occasionally as needed.  I do have problems with single strain knots (like what is this) LOL  At first length was a issue for me, I did not do a big chop because I transitioned while wearing weaves and braids.  But I do want more volume I LOVE big hair.  LOL  Now I look to see the healthiness of my hair, how it springs back, checking my ends and protecting my ends.  Seeking out products that will give it shine, luster and healthiness.   I love my natural hair I never thought I would walk away from relaxer, but I did without even knowing that I was. 

 

 I now can recognize when my ends are split and need trimming and I do it myself.  I do lots of things myself now, I purchased a treatment cap for my deep conditioning it works, this is a technique my mama use to do to both of our hair.  Once a month I mix, mayonnaise, eggs, honey and olive oil as a deep treatment, the other 3 weeks I use Shea Moisture Treatment Mask (awesome). 

 

 

 

Will be walking 7:30 a.m. Saturday morning.  If you are interested contact me for walking info.  We gonna get it in.

Coming out the Funk

                                                 Protective Style - It's a wig with hair band
                                                            I will add other photos

Lord I am grateful for Your love, your amazing power that covers and protects me.  Thank You for my family and friends.  I appreciate You I want to draw closer to You.

Well, this is Day 2 of coming out of the FUNK !  I have lots of great things going on in my life; my daughter is pregnant, starting a YT channel, loving family and a loving church family.  I plan to spend today thinking about what I have to be grateful.  This should be a powerful day.  I will stay focused on the GOOD !

I got a text this morning from a dear friend who wants to do breakfast Saturday morning.  I was sooooo excited, I love her company and I am looking forward to the fellowship.  I am grateful for all my friendships.  Friday evening I will be having dinner with a friend who is my lil sis in Christ.  We always have lots of laughs.  So gradually I am coming out of the FUNK and celebrating life. 

Natural Hair Journey: 

Last evening was my wash night, I cowashed, clarified, deep conditioned, moisturized, double strand twist and seals with oil.  I used the NEW line of Cantu; hair lotion, twist gel and pomade, I have to find the curl activator.  I saw a review on YT and liked the results.  The products all Natural hair friendly; no paraban, no sulfates, etc.  I must say the result this morning were good. I left the twist in and wore a protective style to work.

I was in denial at the beginning of my journey but I am a product junkie.  Across the board makeup, hair products, tools etc.  I would love to be a beauty editor testing and reviewing.  YT will give me the opportunity to do some of what I love doing.

I want to say more about protective styling.  Thinking and creating protective styles has been so much fun.  I found some cool hair wraps at the BSS and got a few different colors.  I wear them with afro puff and it makes a nice style. All my hair is protected.  I have been wearing protective styling since December 2012.  My last protective style I corn rolled my hair and moisturized it day and night using; oils, leave ins and moisturizing milks. When I took my hair down last night my hair was moist and felt and looked healthy.  I was grateful.  I am trying to work with my natural hair trying to find products that my hair LIKES, trying to find what works for ME.  Through this journey I am learning to love the me that I am.  My hair is my hair, sometimes I must admit I do get hair envy.  I see other women on YT with textures and length that is unbelievable.  I then look back to their journey back to a few years and they were once where I was.  I am so encouraged.    I pray the YT channel we are working on will give God the glory and help other women love who God created them to be. 

Chat with you soon ! Will keep you posted on the YT launch date.

The Funk Series : Recovering from the FUNK

Over the past few months I have been in a deep slump.  When I stop writing in my blog I am in a funk !  A big funk REAL big funk !

 

I have been in a hole and have not allowed others to help me out.  I have had some major miracles in my life over the past few months, so I should be giving God the praise all over the place.  But I haven’t for this I am sooooo sorry.  Instead I have been in a master hole.

 

Today I have decided to love myself again and to work to be a better me.  A dear friend of mine emailed me today saying she felt depressed and I agreed with her that I too was in a stay of depression.  She asked if she should seek out a doctor for medication and I immediately said I need to get in my Bible more and to pray about my condition.  I also told her I need a good shopping trip LOL  Yesterday I talked to a friend who also has been in a funk.  Funk were her exact words ! 

 

When she and I had this discussion I said I need to write also, writing keeps me connected to God and myself.  It is a release. 

 

I want to pray for my sisters who are feeling the funk of life, the emptiness the loniness and insecurities.  We have to really know God is there for us and believe and trust Him to deliver us.  I am asking God to really help us and other’s who are suffering from the Funk.

 

This is a brief write up if I wrote my feelings over the past few months it would be way too long.

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But a small catch up is that I have gone NATURAL, yes NATURAL.  I transitioned while I was wearing hair weaves.  During the time I did not realize I was going natural until I decided not to get braids or another weave.  I wanted to see my hair for what it was and to take care of it.  Since about October 2, 2012 I have been in my natural hair journey. 

 

I feel like I have so much catching up to do, I will upload some of my early day photos like day one and two.  You will laugh because I looked crazy but I was so proud.  I have learned lots of Natural care language which is cool.  Tonight is my hair wash night.  It is a big deal something that I enjoy.  I am a product junkie and will be using some new syling products tonight.  I think I will be do some mini twist and wearing a protective style over them,  We will see.  My protective styles consists of afro puffs with hair wraps, wigs and caps. 

 

Through the Storm

Lord You are so faithful !  I love you more and more each day !  You show me Your power !  I believe in You even when the storms of life are unbearable.  You never give me more than I can bear.  I know this because even though I fall short You are there supporting me, encouraging me and pushing me forward.  Allowing me to know and work in my purpose.  Awesome God !  Lord I am excited to know that I have a relationship with You.  Without You I would be hopeless.  I stand on Your promises to never leave or forsake me!

Well hello, everyone, I have been out, when I am out pray for me.  When I don’t write I am either in a funk, scared or depressed or some of all that.  I thought nothing else could throw me for a loop, but I was wrong, over the last year I have been fighting to stay in my HOME !  Yes my home, the home my mother left me.  Not to get all into it, I almost lost it, the thought of losing my home was running me crazy in March 2012, when is when I began to receive serious notice.  My anxiety levels were SKY HIGH.  I did not share this info with anyone as my pride would not allow it and I felt like what could others really do. I do not like being a victim, never have, but I knew when God brought me through I would share the good news.   I did open up to one or two people, and the one person I humbled myself to, lowered my pride with was able to offer me words of love, encouragement and support.   This person is a woman of God whose kindness compares only to my mother.  My mother’s legacy of giving and caring lives on in this woman.  My mother showed this individual’s God’s love throughout her life and in return she gave me love.  God provides, what God enabled her to do is something only my mother or should I say a mother’s love would do.  I no longer have a mother, but God showed me I can still expect that type of love in my life.  God is a provider, he fills our needs.  During this situation I needed a mother and He gave me one.  I love the Lord !  As I write this I am only writing it because there maybe someone out there that needs the reinforcement of knowing GOD IS TRULY AMAZING !!  In my life the Lord has worked two miracles for me; one when my son went to court and he got probation and now God has allowed me to stay in the home my mother left me.  God builds me up through my storms I know this to be true.  He works in my life and shows me in ways in which I KNOW he and ONLY He did it. 

Yesterday I heard the news and I had one of those moments that I feel guilty about.  I have the faith that God is going to provide for me, and when he does, I say thank you but I feel it is not enough.  This is when I realize I can NEVER do enough to show God my gratitude.  But what I can do and what he requires me to do is to GIVE HIM THE GLORY and tell others of His goodness.  So this is part of what I will do.  I am a vessel of God, God give me boldness, loose me of pride and humble me to tell of Your goodness. 

There are details of this storm that you may identify with, if God has moved in Your life in a miraculous way, please let others know, so they can be blessed.  If You feel He hasn’t read these words and know that God is faithful.  This experience has helped me understand God’s written word and His promises.

I could go on and go !  God is Greatly to be Praised !  I had to praise God through the storm, through the rain, I had to praise Him in advance knowing that my blessing was coming.

So I Live - In PURPOSE

Chirs and I at his High School Graduation Party 2009 - a few months before he passed away

Thank You Lord for courage and strength!  I appreciate Your goodness, love, mercy and grace!  I love You Lord I appreciate You so very much!  You are the God above all things, You reign Lord, YOU!

Well this morning started off slow but steady.  I got up and got myself together and went to see my personal trainer at 6:30 a.m.  Boy it was tough getting up, I always say the hardest part for me is to get up and put on the sneakers.  Once I am at the gym I’m ok. I did a lot of free weights and ab/core work.  Ab/core work is so hard for me, my core is a mess, but I will continue to work on it, it is definitely a process.  I definitely need the push, I am gonna have to begin a routine at home too.  I keep saying it but not doing it.

Today makes 3 years that Chris passed away.  This morning I started by trying to ignore it, but by 10:30 a.m. I began to think about it.  I upload a photo of me and Chris on facebook and put it on mine and his timeline.  I did not want to draw attention to it for me.  But in his memory I wanted to acknowledge his life.  I love and miss him so much.  God has worked in me and given me the Peace that surpasses all understanding.  He has given me strength and courage to face each day.  I am surviving, God has a purpose for me, so I live.

I joined Planet Fitness online this morning for the 20 buck plan, that is much better than me paying out 66 per month for lifetime.  I thought it was a wise economical move for me right now.  I am looking forward to going, getting it IN   LOL

I have a busy weekend, I am going to the 730 walk but I am not walking, Blondell is doing a 30 mile bike ride so I am standing in for her as the ENCOURAGER.  Awesome Right !  I love the team of walkers and what it represents so yes I will get up and be there at 7:30 a.m. ready to pray, snap photos and encourage. 

Last night’s Fit for the King was really nice, the potluck was awesome, great turnout and the documentary Forks Over Knifes was so educational.  It allowed us to see that we HAVE to make better choices with our food.  The foods we eat are directly related to our health and healing.

Tomorrow I will go to 7:30 a.m. walk, meet with a friend for lunch and help her develop her blog/website for her business.  I have a 4:30p.m. massage scheduled.  I need it so bad.  My cousin is having a skating party starting at 11:00 p.m. til 2:00 a.m. REALLY, is she serious.  I may try and hang, we will see.

Pray for me this day!  See ya

Out of Control

Lord You are teaching me patience as I go through this storm.  I am learning that things happen in Your perfect will.  Lord thank You for teaching me the importance of patience.  Lord bless those that I am surrounded by Lord give Peace when there is no peace, give comfort when there is none.  Lord continue to prepare me in my passion and purpose.

It has been about a week since I have blogged.  I can tell when my life is spiriling out of control because I do not write.  I am back today as I need to focus and get back right.  It seems as though when I found out I had a injury to my ankle and cannot do cardio I got depressed and sort of gave up.  Also this is a difficult time of year for me.  Chris was killed on Oct. 5, 2009 so the Fall of the year is crazy for me.  I think I am doing better then through my out of control eating I see that I am not.  Because I am an emotional eater so when I am down the scale shows it and I eat without focusing.  I think about the bad foods I am eating but at that moment I do not care enough about myself to stop myself.

So here I am writing my feelings.  I need this, I need to write, I need to get it out, because I don't talk about it easy.  It's too difficult.  I will stand back up with the strength God gives me.  I will do it.  I cannot linger in this moment.  I need to be freed of these feelings.

I plan to go to church tonight for prayer service.  I am expecting God to pour into me.  I know He has not left me or forsaken me.  I do believe this.  But often I leave myself and forsake myself.

You know what I like about myself is that I know God is good, God is able, God is the God above all and He and He alone will carry me through just because he cares and loves me and understands me.  I have hope.

Lord give me strength to move forward and push on.  Thank You