Celebrating 160 years of serving families and children 

All praises be to God !  ALL praises be to God !  Lord you reign over all the earth with magnificent power and love.  I am grateful that you are a loving and forgiving God.  I am pleased that God designed me the way that I am.  Lord You know the purpose of my design, so use me Lord.

This year our agency is celebrating 160 year birthday.  WOW.  We are still standing, our agency began as an orphanage.  On our walls the founders and funders hang.  I stand in total respect for these individuals who had a vision for helping the helpless.  Our agency works hard to keep our founders vision alive.  Our agency is restructuring all over the place.  I sit, watch and listen. Our agency has been so good at making necessary changes to keep our non profit agency running.  Change can be hard for us, but we must remember God is a provider and has a plan for each and every one of us.  If my position falls under the restructure I know God is in the plan and I will not fear and trust that is plan is what’s best for me.  I do not want to get so comfortable that I hardened to change and become defiant and disobedient to His will.  I pray that this agency will stand to serve children and families for many years to come.  The work that we do is so special in helping and serving families. 

Our agency is having a Beech Ball which is our yearly fund raiser.  I plan to attend in support of Beech Brook.  Tickets are 100 bucks, but well worth the support to an agency in which I have worked for nearly 18 years.  Our mental health agency has high rating in the State of Ohio for service and compliance.  Our key leadership has worked their way up the rank to Presidents and VP, so they have had experience doing direct care with families and this is important. 

Beech Brook has involvement with Chardon Schools, so when the shooting occurred, BB leadership was called upon to help with mental health services to school staff and youth who witnessed the tragedy.  None of the victims or gunmen were BB clients.  The head of mental health services for the State of Ohio and the Governor met with our school base leaders to discuss preventive services that could be put in place.  Government leadership is aligning themselves to put more services in place to help our youth.  Praise God ! Praise God ! 

I am fortunate to have good leadership at the workplace and at my church.  It is not easy making critical decisions, but they make it look easy.  I am trusting God and keep leadership in my prayers.  I have never wanted to supervise and move up the chain, it is not me, because I don’t like being responsible for other’s work nor do I like to take work home.  I know my role and respect those that God has chosen to lead.

Beauty:  Fashion Alert : Avalon Exchange on Coventry $1.00 day starts Friday and Saturday.  I am not sure about if it carries over to Sunday.  They have clothing from their store and other Avalon stores that have been brought in for this special weekend.  Pick up trendy and vintage clothing.  

Random Goodness

Random Goodness

Lord You are magnificent in all that You do.  You have all power and are so deserving of my praise.  Allow me to have a peaceful day, allow me to walk in your perfect will.  Give me the motivation I need to continue in my journey.  Bless my coworkers that are under stress.  Bless and protect our mission’s team as they work to bless others. Keep them safe and in good health.  Praying for the victims in Chardon and their families and the suspect and their families.

Today the weather is so nice and calming.  The sun is shining and I see Spring time coming around the corner.  Spring is my best season of the year.  I love to taking long walks, watching the flowers grow and bloom. 

Yesterday was yesterday.  It is history.  I made the best of it and I am moving forward in today.  I handled some important things and was productive at work.  I honored God in things that I did throughout the day.  I pray that today is so blessed. 

Yesterday some of my coworkers were hit with the restructuring of their jobs.  Some in fear of losing their jobs and some just not liking the feeling of not being appreciated.  One lady I know loves the Lord and we often have church at work, giving God the glory.  She was a part of the restructing and when I asked someone how did she take the news, they said she was the one of the only ones in the meeting smiling. I immediately thought she knows the Lord is a provider and that she is loved by God and appreciated by God.  When we had the opportunity to talk and discuss, she broke out in praise and began to express scripture that she holds in her heart.  She has joy and on top of it excellent work skills and has always been open to learn and change in the work environment. 

Since Chris’ death I very rarely look at the TV news, too depressing.  I hate to see so much violent.  I hide myself from it and have put myself in a protective bubble.  But I do listen to the radio and have internet access so I heard about the Chardon shooting.  As soon as I heard I thought of the victim’s family and the suspect’s family.  My heart throbbed and I had that funny feeling in my stomach.  It retriggers my feelings when I heard about Chris. I tend to talk about my mother’s passing more than Chris because it hurt me in a different manner.  The  Lord can heal their hearts my prayer is that they have a relationship with the Lord, if not that their brokenness will lead them to the Lord.   I pray for the PEACE that surpassing ALL understanding. 

Beauty:  That we know that we are beautiful women of God.  Created by God and know that God gave us ALL gifts and talents that He needs us to use for His glory. 

Battlefield for my Lord !!!!!

On the Battlefield for my Lord and I promised Him I serve Him til I die !

I love the Lord he heard my cry, Lord You are so worthy of the Praise.  I thank You and so grateful for your mercy.  I love You Lord !  I am asking for forgiveness !

On the Battlefield for my Lord and I promised Him I serve Him til I die !  Lord these words ring so true for me and many that serve you daily.  As this hymn was sung I became very emotional and could not the tears.  First because these hymns were the songs of my childhood, which I treasure.  Now I can sing them as my mother did with the same understanding she had for the words.  My mother was faithful to the end and gave God the glory for everything, she praised Him through her suffering and pain.  Her words were always I’m ready, I’m ready.  She was confident that her life was pleasing to God and that she was going HOME.  I have the same surrendering of my heart, I am so fortunate to have had Olivia as my mother.  Her example was above board.  As I stood there listening to this elderly woman sing, God revealed to be that my mother’s prayer was always that I have a RELATIONSHIP with the Lord.  I was so grateful that she knew I loved the Lord before her passing.  The prayers of a mother……………………..

My weekend was so awesome !  Friday I saw Good Deeds, it was so good.  Tyler is amazing.  Tyler is gifted and working in his passion.  This leads me to follow up on Pastor’s sermon, when he said if you are working in your passion you are willing to do it for free.  I know there are things that I am doing now that are so special to me that I can’t wait to plan and do them.  God prepares my heart and prepares me for the task he has set out for me to do.  I was sharing with someone last week that I am not stressed by it that it blesses me.  It was if Pastor was speaking to me.  He is such a good shepherd, I am grateful that I have had a few occasions to tell him this.  Giving him his flowers while he yet lives.

Saturday I took care of such much needed business.  I was able to go see my friend’s mother in the hospital who had a stroke.  She is such a real sweet heart.  She always has kind things to say.  As I was walking away from her bed, she said hey you lost weight you able a size 10, and she smiled.  I said to my friend, she not that sick and we laughed out loud for real.  Her mother is such a faithful woman, she loves the Lord and her family so much.  My girlfriend is so faithful as we left the hospital she said, we all got to leave here don’t we.  I could relate and knew what she meant as she is a Christian and believes in God’s perfect will.  Their family has suffered several significant loses and when this happens life takes on another perspective.  You begin to really know that death happens and that God will heal.  I am glad was I was able to be with them.

Sunday Worship service was amazing.  Pastor was so funny when he said “we have not gone disco”.  Again the worship singer was so awesome celebrating our history in such a manner was incredible and touching.   After service I cooked a really good wholesome meal.  Nique came over and we all had dinner, talked and laughed.  My time with Nique (daughter) is so special to me.  We are close in a special way, because our loses keep us moving and give us special gratefulness to one another.  We get to talk about Chris and my mom and laugh.  Ariel chimes in and we allow her in as she loved them too.  We need these special times together when it is just us.  I am grateful that God gives us the time together in such Peace and Harmony.  Nique has such a peaceful heart; she is much like her father who is a friend to everyone.  That is his major strength he is a good guy and everyone loves him. 

Beauty:  Instead of me and Nique going to Washbi (sp) we ate dinner at home.  We took the monies we would have spent at Washbi and went to Target.  We picked up some beauty products, I got a really nice UP and UP concealer brush and a Sonia Kashi brush.  The Sonia Kashi brush was on sale for 1.73 really good price and I am using it to brush setting power under the eye, it is the perfect size.  We got a ELF bronzer, really nice, for 3 dollars.  When we got back home I gave Nique some make up tips in application.  I gave her some polishes as I am using the Sensationail gel kit.  I always gave her some NYX pigment shadows, and some products for her skin.  It was a lot of fun. 

Oh yeah, Friday I went down on Coventry to Avalon.  Remember the video Whitney Houston was in when she had the motor cycle jacket and the jeans, well that is my favorite look of hers.  Well I found a very similar leather jacket for 22 bucks, unbelievable.  The leather is like butter.  I also got a suede coat which is a Terri Lewis from HSN.  I have always loved her coats and I was able to get it for 20 dollars, yeah it was a real bargain.  The suede is in excellent shape.  It was 24 and we negotiate it down to 20.  I also picked up a velvet ruffled jacket, tag was on it for 115.00 I paid 14.  It is tailored really nice, I am excited about it the designer is escape (sp).  I got 3 jackets in 3 different materials; leather, suede and velet.  The sales lady and I discussed the bargains in the upcoming sale which starts this Friday $1.00 sale.  She said things have been brought in from other stores and they have nice things. 

Sometimes I go on and on !  See ya.

Give Me My Flowers and Hugs Now

Lord you are so magnificient.  You grow me daily and pour into me and teach me Your ways.  I want to do Your bidding in Your perfect will.  Lord help me to be Your vessel and keep my focus on Your purpose for me.  Remove any flaws that stand in the way of my usefulness to YOU.

Yesterday I completed a ton of work and cleared my desk.  When my work piles up I get overwhelmed and either put it off getting further behind or I kick butt and keep it movin.  It felt really good driving into work today knowing I had a fresh start.  My department is going through restructuring and two coworkers are leaving our office space to go upstairs.  Our department is tightly bonded so we will miss them. 

Last evening I attended prayer and Life Group always a wonderful experience.  I enter into the sanctuary expecting a blessing.  I had a nice conversation with friend/business partner after prayer. We will be planning an upcoming children’s party.  Elmo is the theme.  We have not been taking on events recently so maybe this will get us fired up. 

Today I will be working out at Tru Image.  I got to get it in.  I am consciously drinking water this week.  After Tru Image we are taking the ladies in Fit for the King to WHOLE FOODS for our fellowship.  We will tour the store and have dinner from the food bar.  This group has really been a blessing to me.  I enter into the group with very lil nervousness, lil anxiety.  This is God, I am not a teacher nor a public speaker so I am stretched, but this is an area of which I am passionate and it is God’s will for me.  Our coach is encouraging and likes that we have put together creative things for the ladies.  In the next couple weeks we have ladies coming in from NCBF that have been successful with weight loss come in and offer their testimonies sharing their successes, struggles and how they have relied on God for strength. 

For Lent I gave up saying negative things in the office place.  WOW – My prayer is that I doing this for 40 days will become a habit for me and help me be a real example of God’s love.  My coworker’s were trying to explain to me that venting is therapeutic (we are all therapist).  But I stood my ground and I will not say anything that can be perceived as harmful to others.  Hey I got to start somewhere J  After Whitney’s death the Lord revealed to me that harmful word and judging others really can be harmful.  Everybody has a desire to be loved and accepted.  I think about if my life was one of a celebrity and turned on my TV to see all my flaws on TV, how would I respond, what would I do.  I would I handle the embarrassment and shame.  To think that my mother would know things that I didn’t want her to know, my children being subject to my craziness all over the news.  So I plan to be real cautious in how I talk about others.  This is a good thing, because this is a weakness of mine and God wants to grow me in this area.  I really am working to understand what do I get out of talking negatively about others.  If I am removing this what do I replace it with.  Kind thoughts, Kind words, YES !  Why wait until someone is dead to see all the goodness in them.  As my mother use to tell me “give me my flowers while I yet live”don't wait until I am dead.  Speak kind words to me now.  

Beauty:  Sensationail by Nailene :  Gel Nails - Yes at last affordable home gel kit with excellient reviews.  Cost of unit was 59.00, CVS clerk gave me a 10 dollar off product coupon and I had a 5.00 off CVS extra buck coupon.  Now check this out, when you buy the unit the register prints off a $10 off store coupon.  So this is a total of $25.00 savings.  Now a good gel manicure can cost you up to 40 bucks, and this kit comes with one color and enough products for 10 full set manicures.  WOW !  The clerk gave me two other 2 off coupons for additonal polish kits which are on sale for 11.99.  Loving it.  I am not one to go to the nail shop, so this will work for me at home.  I have uploading a tutorial with the how to instructions.  Don't sleep on CVS and their extra buck coupons designed especially for beauty products.

Work Family

  Lynn  30 years

 Racine - 20 years

Lord thank you so much, Thank You !  I am grateful for your promises.  I trust You in my life and enjoy having You work in me.  I feel blessed most of the day and for this I am grateful.  I am standing Lord.  Lord I am standing !  To God be the glory.

As I have a church family, I also have a work family.  A member of my work family actually brought me to NCBF.  I admired her strength, kindness and generosity and I wanted these qualities.  She spoke often of her church in such a positive way, so she invited me one Sunday to watch her daughter praise dance and I just kept right on coming.  I saw God in her in the workplace, yeah the workplace.  She always gave God the glory in all she did and she was blessed.  She and I are awesome friends, we are girls together.  I have a few NCBF in my workplace, oh what a real blessing. 

Last month at work we had our quarterly meeting where staff receives recognition for years of service.  My work family has worked at Beech Brook for years, like 20 to 30 years or more.  I am the baby of the crew with 17 years of service.  I have uploaded a couple photographs of two of my dear friends receiving service rewards of recognition.  I am so proud of these ladies as we sort of grew up here together at Beech Brook, raised our children together, grieved loses together and lived life together.  These are the type of buddies when you broke you can email or call and say hey you got a couple to payday and we got each other’s back. I praise God for these special friendships. 

I remember when Chris passed my friend Terri came to hospital took me home with her so I would not be alone and I stayed with her for at least 3 nights, she nurtured me and helped to get me together.  I was looking and feeling real rough, she made sure I ate, bathed etc.  Because at that time I didn’t or couldn’t move.  We have known each other for about 30 years as we worked at CWRU together in HR and now at Beech Brook.  Sabrina who brought me to NCBF wrote my son’s obituary, LaVisa is the youngest of our Beech Brook family and she came to Terri’s house daily to make sure I had took care of business, calling insurance, shopping etc.  I call her the boss.  I am fortunate to have my work family.  My work family has always kept me wanting to work at Beech Brook, because I know and love the people I work with.  Sabrina and LaVisa introduced me to Tru Image, what a blessing.  When I was at 244 lbs LaVisa pulled me in her office and said you going back to Tru Image, and said I’m your friend somebody got to tell you, you not a diva no more.  I was shocked but it was true.  During those days of my grief, I showered no lotion, no makeup, and no real style.  I was wearing the same clothes to work, I would wash them and wear them back the next day, and I wore a scull cap to work every day.  Boy oh Boy  It was a wake up call.  This is why I call LaVisa the boss.  When I didn’t have workout clothes that fit she  brought me an outfit of hers to wear so I would have no excuses.  On March 1^st 2011 I walked back into Tru Image with a made up mind. 

These ladies stood in court with me with Chris when he was in trouble, oh what a day to remember, a real miracle of love. 

                                                               

Beauty:  OK, the Instyler, is awesome !!!  I checked the reviews and compared the CHI to the Instyler and felt the Instyler was my best option.  My coworker (church family) brought hers in so I could sample it.  I printed a Bed Bath and Beyond couple for 20% off and purchased it.  I went home used it and my hair was instantly pull of body and shine.  Right !  Yes !  I love body, the CHI would not have given me this type of body, the brush and high temperature of heat work together to give me fullness, body and shine.  I needed a better hair tool my old one was not performing. 

*****Jayden update***** Jayden is trying harder to cooperate with potty training.  He had a dry night and went to the potty this morning, pointed at it and clapped with excitement.  We gave him a lil reward he was thrilled.

Weekend:  Dominique and I plan to go to dinner, she wants to go to Washbi on Saturday, I made the mistake of giving her the option.  I may have to make the decision and go somewhere I can EAT.  Their food will have me FLOATED.  It is too good and I don’t want to lose control.  Hopefully she will understand.  We will have fun otherwise.  She loves Washbi. 

Friday evening, me and some ladies are going to see Good Deeds.  I know we will have a good time. 

Sunday, NCBF to receive the Word.

Fat Tuesday – RANT/RAVE

Lord thank You for continuing to bless my spirit.  I feel brand new today; I know it is Your mercy.  You abide in me and because of this I feel loved.  Lord I love You; I give You the glory in everything I do.

Rant/Rave - Today is another day that the Lord has blessed me.  Yes I feel blessed and I am curious how He will use me today.  I want to keep my focus on living a life that glorifies God.  I have to practice seeing how God would approve the things that I do.  Yesterday I got a text from someone dear to me, making a manipulative demand.  I saw right through what they were trying to do.  My response to their demand was “sorry I can’t do that” without saying anything more.  Now that was God, a year ago I would have GONE OFF, telling this individual what I really thought of their remark.  My response would have been unloving and harsh; this is the Vanessa that is ugly on the inside.  My words would have harmed our relationship for life; I would have cut her up with my words.  They got the message and later in the day we had a good casual conversation, which felt good to me.  You see it is the simple day to day things that I am allowing God to do in my life.  My prayer is that they come to the realization that manipulation looks ugly and does not work.  In the past if I hadn’t cut you up with words I would have over explained why I couldn’t do what you wanted.  Feeling the need to be liked.  I know now that manipulation is not of God and I do not have to explain myself. I know if you disapprove of me or don’t like my actions, God loves me and approves my Godly response.  I say this all to the glory of God.  In my actions I also showed God that I love Him more than any earthly thing.  I know man can disappoint and this is cool, but God never fails.  We all fall short. 

Rant - This morning on my drive to work I got a call from another person trying to manipulate me and volunteer me into doing something.  My thing is if you are lead by God to do something, You go ahead and do it.  Don’t volunteer my name.  Present the situation to me and allow me and allow me to volunteer myself.  Not that I don’t want to help, but I cannot do everything for everybody, not to prove to someone that I am a Christian.  January 1, 2011 I said to myself, if I really am not lead by God to do something, I don’t do it.  I have never liked to be controlled, I have been in controlled relationships and I did not do well.  I guess what I am trying to say is love me for me. Don’t judge me based on what you can or cannot get me to do.  I remember my mother you always say when she felt she was being controlled, “I am ____ years old and my mama and daddy dead”.  I know what she meant.  I am Olivia’s daughter.  DO NOT tell me what to do, in a sly manipulative manner.  I feel like a real person now, that I am working to live in God’s will.  I see everything so differently.  God must be working on me in this area.

When people try to control and manipulate me I feel as if my freedom is being taken.  My response can be passive aggressive which harms my relationships.  I am in need of help in continuing to voice myself in a Godly manner. 

Beauty Corner:  Today I wore a vintage dress I picked up at Chelsea’s it is totally vintage 60’s with the stripes, it is Mod.  I have it on with fishnet tights and boots.  Back in the day I would have had on GO GO boots.  It is so comfortable and warm.  I love Chelsea’s.  I am on a no buy for clothes L  although shoes don’t count J  I need some colorful shoes to wear with a 70s vintage suit I picked up from Chelsea’s.   I really need to take photos and upload these looks.  After I need my new do I will.

I feel good now I got all my ranting and raving out on paper/blog. 

"Walk with me Lord, Walk with me"

Lord You are mighty and worthy Oh so worthy to be praised.  I am so grateful to KNOW You ! You rule in my life and I pray for obedience.  Lord help me through my journey providing what I need.  Allow me to recognize that all things in my life should give You the glory.

This weekend I had a marvelous time with Jayden and Dominique.  We took Jayden to Chuck E. Cheese and he had so much fun.  Each time we go he is less fearful of the Chuck E. Cheese mascot.  His desire to play and run around out weighs his fear of the big mouse.  We got home played and looked through some books.  I was watching some Whitney Houston videos on You Tube and she their were tributes playing on TV.  I was singing along with Whitney, yeah I was singing Whitney J   He looked at a video with me and saw my passion for the video and asked “who is that”, it was a black history moment J  I told him her name and he said WHITNEY he understood for that second that she was important to me.  We shared that moment together and it was real cool. It actually got the his mic and said love youuuuuuu, love youuuuuuu !  I laughed and laughed, because this is what he kept hearing me sing I will always love youuuuuuuuu !  RIP Whitney.  We will always love youuuuuuuu.  I must remember to be this passionate to teach him about Jesus J

On Sunday I kept things simple, I went to Heinen’s after church as I usually do and did my shopping.  I came home cooked a really good nutrious dinner and we ate.  Salad, steak, red potatoes with garlic butter.  Delicious !  I had been invited to dinner, and I would have spent about 30 bucks on dinner and figured that 30 bucks could go toward my groceries.

Sunday’s sermon ministered to me, I am really working to live in God’s will so the sermon blessed me so much !  I often think about as a child when I would go to church and be so not interested in the word, sleeping through it or talking to my friends through the service.  For me right now I cling onto every word listening for something to help me or how I can use it to help others.  I now want a relationship with God for myself, I don’t want to just warm the bench.  I am thirsty !  Also Ms. Ariel had a Sunday off and was able to come to church and she brought a friend.  Praise God !  The nursery will be open the first week of March and we are excited.  Jayden will be able to attend, thank you Lord for blessing our church.  I love the new lighting in the church it sets a really nice environment, very calming and peaceful.  Sis Brenda’s voice is anointed and blessed me in a special way.  “Walk with me Lord”, this was one of my mother’s favorite songs.  I thought of my mother and how much my mother loved the Lord.  The song ministered to me because I need the Lord to continue to invite the Lord and accept Him in my life through my tedious journey.

I rested the entire evening at home.  I love Sunday evenings, it is a time I can get organized for the week.  Get my mind right for Monday L 

Beauty:  Thank God for creating me to be me.  For so long I looked at other women and admired their beauty feeling like I was not pretty enough.  I now love the me God created.  I always thank God for creating me as a woman.  I love being a woman because we are beautiful beings, each and every one of us.