RIP Oscar Jacob

Feeling Today

I continue to be thankful for life and good health.  This morning at 4:00 a.m.  my phone woke me up.  At this time of night you know the call may not be good.  I received news that my cousin Oscar Jacob had passed away.  I am grateful that he gave his life to Christ.  He was a man who loved his family.  The last time I saw him was at my mother's Home Going.  He got up and said some good words about my mother's life and influence on him.  This is the kind of man he was, a good, good family man.  He will be missed so much !

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Anytime there is death I grieve, anytime I grieve, I mean anytime.  I also connect with the family that is left. After my son passed away I stopped watched the news on local television.  There was too much death and bad things in the news.  Gradually I have begun to connect to the news, last evening I saw the verdict of Mike Brown indictment.  I felt for the parents and the family.  They did not receive the justice they felt they deserved.  I understand the young men that murdered my son, were sentenced to prison but not a lot of time.  People began to tell me, that's not fair, I had to tell family and friends, it was ok.  God would handle the situation.  I could not go into that zone of unfairness I had enough on my plate, I was trying to clear my plate.  So I hope the Brown Family can begin to move forward and forgive.  Now my issue arise daily, it rises in my mood and my physical health.  For the past 2 weeks I have been feeling physically better.  For this I am grateful.  Today I am feeling and sitting here I am dealing with my feelings.  Remembering my love ones and knowing that death is a part of the cycle of life.  God loves us all and calls us home.  While I am here on earth I want to plant seed of love and create wonderful memories.  I am careful how I talk to others and how I behave because this is what people see in me.  I want others' to see the good to see the God in me. 

Oscar I miss you already. I know your struggle and you worked through your struggles.  Hopefully the rest of us left here will do the same.  Love U cuz !

Grateful for Health and Strength

                              My Thanksgiving/Christmas Tablescape
                                      

Today I am grateful for waking up thanking God for my health and Strength! As a child growing up in church I use to hear my church family testify to being ‘thankful for their health and strength’. I had no idea of the meaning, because during that time I took my health and strength for granted. Oh yes, they use to and for ‘being in my right mind’. Almost every testimony would begin this way. I now know that they were speaking from their life experience of what they had witnessed. They had seen chronic illnesses, seen family in nursing home and witnessed death. They were thankful for having the ability to get up with their right minds; focusing on God and venturing into their daily task. Being independent enough to bath and feed themselves. YES I get it !



What I know now is that you have to honor your temple and treat it as a gift. We as individuals have to challenge ourselves to healthy eating and proper exercise. Most of what we do and eat triggers our health. Both my parents had awful eating habits, I mean awful. My mother use to say I have to die from something so give me some more pie LOL Yes it was sort of funny but boy I wish she had taken her health a bit more serious. She passed away from complications to being diabetic. Yes her poor eating habits resulted in her chronic illness resulting in her death.



I stand this day with a plan for the future of me and my family. I will continue on my path of health eating, clean eating, diet, whatever you need to call it. I am looking to God for direction and listening to his voice in my life. I have been so bad in every area of my life. My depression put me in a hole of self destruction. Every bite of unhealthy food I ate, I ate to feel better, but it didn’t work, I was feeling so bad, it felt like a unbreakable cycle. I am so grateful for the prayers of my church family and my family. I have disappointed some, and for this I am sorry. God in working in me on a daily basis. I was existing barely.



Today I celebrate my daughter’s 28th birthday. She made reservation and asked if I planned to come. I said of course she texted me a big YAY. She understands my depressed mood. I want her to have positive memories of me and know I need to be there for her. If a pass away tomorrow I want her to be able to remember this birthday today and that I was there for her. I have entered a new phase in my life and I feel so much better. I work to keep the negative thoughts out which allows God to connect and work in me.



If anyone reads this and you identify I hope you find it helpful in your life. Leave a comment if you would like.







TALKING OUT LOUD ON PAPER.

My Journey Begins

Completed Week One:  11-19-14

 

It has been one week today that I began my journey.  First I must give thanks to my two cousins for encouraging me to join them on this journey.  I thank God for Hope.  I have renewed Hope in my health.  I had given up any hope of feeling better.  I must report that on Saturday, this past weekend, 3 days after beginning 90 for Life I had a same day appointment at my doctor’s office.  Two important things happened to me that day; 1- I got to weigh in and 2 my blood pressure was taken.  Well my weight was high but not as high as I had lead myself to believe.  You see I sabatoge my myself with fear and negative thoughts.  I had thought I had gotten to my highest weight and I had not.  So this was so encouraging to me.  Now I am not the type of girl that enjoys going to the doctor I always fear the worse, you see I suffer my depression and anxiety; Major Depression.  So I feared for the worse when it came to my blood pressure; the nurse took my pressure and said to me ‘your blood pressure is better than mine’ at first I sat in amazement and disbelief.  I then asked her what is it, she said 127/84.  I was thrilled, thrilled, and overwhelmed with joy.  I had noticed that I was feeling better day by day, but I had to go to the doctor because it was time for my high blood pressure medication.  I rejoiced, then the dr came in sat down and engaged with me to determine how I was feeling.  I love my doctor he is an encouraging type of guy, he sticks to the books and writes prescriptions, I don’t fault him this is how he was taught and how he makes his living.  He said to me ‘how do you feel’ I said I feel good.  You see somewhere in those records he read how I have anxiety and depression and how he had on the last apt. referred me to see a therapist.  We locked eyes and he knew I was feeling better, he took my word for it.  He then began to engage with me in small talk about the Browns and what I planned to do this weekend.  You see he nothing medically to say or recommend to me.  As he checked my heart I told him I was taking fish oil pills he didn’t say nay or yea but I know he knew I had figured out some type of secret to my health.  I know he is not a wholistic doctor but I wanted him to know that I was doing something good for myself.  I went that day on 3 medications and left out on only 2.  You see he took me off my water pill.  I was elated.  He asked me if I wanted to come back in 3 or 6 months to begin to do female type of exams, I agreed and said 3 months would be find. 

 

I left out of his office that day feeling empowered knowing I had made an excellent choice for myself.  Recap after taking high blood pressure pills for over 2 years I now after 3 days of taking my new vitamins and minerals I was off one medication.  It is expensive but it is worth it.  I am worth it.  I am sure I have lost a few pounds I can feel it but I have not weighed in since Saturday and I am not.  You see I know appreciate my health in a different way.  You see I felt as if I was dying day by day.  My mental state and physical state were imbalanced.  The vitamins and minerals that enter my body help reduce my appetite, give me energy, and has reduced my anxieties and depressed mood.  I call it as I see it.  Make no mistake God is the focus of all of this.  He has allowed me to find what I needed to help me on my journey.  He knew that I had given up on life and was getting up daily only to exist.   Only to go to work, stop at fast food on my way home, eat it in the car, go into my home lay down and call it a day.  God wants more of me, he wants me to enjoy the life he has given.  God has never left me, he understands my struggle like no other.  God has been my friend to uplift me and keep me moving forward.  He has a purpose for my life. 

I have begun to enjoy being me again.  J