RIP Oscar Jacob

Feeling Today

I continue to be thankful for life and good health.  This morning at 4:00 a.m.  my phone woke me up.  At this time of night you know the call may not be good.  I received news that my cousin Oscar Jacob had passed away.  I am grateful that he gave his life to Christ.  He was a man who loved his family.  The last time I saw him was at my mother's Home Going.  He got up and said some good words about my mother's life and influence on him.  This is the kind of man he was, a good, good family man.  He will be missed so much !

___________________

Anytime there is death I grieve, anytime I grieve, I mean anytime.  I also connect with the family that is left. After my son passed away I stopped watched the news on local television.  There was too much death and bad things in the news.  Gradually I have begun to connect to the news, last evening I saw the verdict of Mike Brown indictment.  I felt for the parents and the family.  They did not receive the justice they felt they deserved.  I understand the young men that murdered my son, were sentenced to prison but not a lot of time.  People began to tell me, that's not fair, I had to tell family and friends, it was ok.  God would handle the situation.  I could not go into that zone of unfairness I had enough on my plate, I was trying to clear my plate.  So I hope the Brown Family can begin to move forward and forgive.  Now my issue arise daily, it rises in my mood and my physical health.  For the past 2 weeks I have been feeling physically better.  For this I am grateful.  Today I am feeling and sitting here I am dealing with my feelings.  Remembering my love ones and knowing that death is a part of the cycle of life.  God loves us all and calls us home.  While I am here on earth I want to plant seed of love and create wonderful memories.  I am careful how I talk to others and how I behave because this is what people see in me.  I want others' to see the good to see the God in me. 

Oscar I miss you already. I know your struggle and you worked through your struggles.  Hopefully the rest of us left here will do the same.  Love U cuz !

Grateful for Health and Strength

                              My Thanksgiving/Christmas Tablescape
                                      

Today I am grateful for waking up thanking God for my health and Strength! As a child growing up in church I use to hear my church family testify to being ‘thankful for their health and strength’. I had no idea of the meaning, because during that time I took my health and strength for granted. Oh yes, they use to and for ‘being in my right mind’. Almost every testimony would begin this way. I now know that they were speaking from their life experience of what they had witnessed. They had seen chronic illnesses, seen family in nursing home and witnessed death. They were thankful for having the ability to get up with their right minds; focusing on God and venturing into their daily task. Being independent enough to bath and feed themselves. YES I get it !



What I know now is that you have to honor your temple and treat it as a gift. We as individuals have to challenge ourselves to healthy eating and proper exercise. Most of what we do and eat triggers our health. Both my parents had awful eating habits, I mean awful. My mother use to say I have to die from something so give me some more pie LOL Yes it was sort of funny but boy I wish she had taken her health a bit more serious. She passed away from complications to being diabetic. Yes her poor eating habits resulted in her chronic illness resulting in her death.



I stand this day with a plan for the future of me and my family. I will continue on my path of health eating, clean eating, diet, whatever you need to call it. I am looking to God for direction and listening to his voice in my life. I have been so bad in every area of my life. My depression put me in a hole of self destruction. Every bite of unhealthy food I ate, I ate to feel better, but it didn’t work, I was feeling so bad, it felt like a unbreakable cycle. I am so grateful for the prayers of my church family and my family. I have disappointed some, and for this I am sorry. God in working in me on a daily basis. I was existing barely.



Today I celebrate my daughter’s 28th birthday. She made reservation and asked if I planned to come. I said of course she texted me a big YAY. She understands my depressed mood. I want her to have positive memories of me and know I need to be there for her. If a pass away tomorrow I want her to be able to remember this birthday today and that I was there for her. I have entered a new phase in my life and I feel so much better. I work to keep the negative thoughts out which allows God to connect and work in me.



If anyone reads this and you identify I hope you find it helpful in your life. Leave a comment if you would like.







TALKING OUT LOUD ON PAPER.

My Journey Begins

Completed Week One:  11-19-14

 

It has been one week today that I began my journey.  First I must give thanks to my two cousins for encouraging me to join them on this journey.  I thank God for Hope.  I have renewed Hope in my health.  I had given up any hope of feeling better.  I must report that on Saturday, this past weekend, 3 days after beginning 90 for Life I had a same day appointment at my doctor’s office.  Two important things happened to me that day; 1- I got to weigh in and 2 my blood pressure was taken.  Well my weight was high but not as high as I had lead myself to believe.  You see I sabatoge my myself with fear and negative thoughts.  I had thought I had gotten to my highest weight and I had not.  So this was so encouraging to me.  Now I am not the type of girl that enjoys going to the doctor I always fear the worse, you see I suffer my depression and anxiety; Major Depression.  So I feared for the worse when it came to my blood pressure; the nurse took my pressure and said to me ‘your blood pressure is better than mine’ at first I sat in amazement and disbelief.  I then asked her what is it, she said 127/84.  I was thrilled, thrilled, and overwhelmed with joy.  I had noticed that I was feeling better day by day, but I had to go to the doctor because it was time for my high blood pressure medication.  I rejoiced, then the dr came in sat down and engaged with me to determine how I was feeling.  I love my doctor he is an encouraging type of guy, he sticks to the books and writes prescriptions, I don’t fault him this is how he was taught and how he makes his living.  He said to me ‘how do you feel’ I said I feel good.  You see somewhere in those records he read how I have anxiety and depression and how he had on the last apt. referred me to see a therapist.  We locked eyes and he knew I was feeling better, he took my word for it.  He then began to engage with me in small talk about the Browns and what I planned to do this weekend.  You see he nothing medically to say or recommend to me.  As he checked my heart I told him I was taking fish oil pills he didn’t say nay or yea but I know he knew I had figured out some type of secret to my health.  I know he is not a wholistic doctor but I wanted him to know that I was doing something good for myself.  I went that day on 3 medications and left out on only 2.  You see he took me off my water pill.  I was elated.  He asked me if I wanted to come back in 3 or 6 months to begin to do female type of exams, I agreed and said 3 months would be find. 

 

I left out of his office that day feeling empowered knowing I had made an excellent choice for myself.  Recap after taking high blood pressure pills for over 2 years I now after 3 days of taking my new vitamins and minerals I was off one medication.  It is expensive but it is worth it.  I am worth it.  I am sure I have lost a few pounds I can feel it but I have not weighed in since Saturday and I am not.  You see I know appreciate my health in a different way.  You see I felt as if I was dying day by day.  My mental state and physical state were imbalanced.  The vitamins and minerals that enter my body help reduce my appetite, give me energy, and has reduced my anxieties and depressed mood.  I call it as I see it.  Make no mistake God is the focus of all of this.  He has allowed me to find what I needed to help me on my journey.  He knew that I had given up on life and was getting up daily only to exist.   Only to go to work, stop at fast food on my way home, eat it in the car, go into my home lay down and call it a day.  God wants more of me, he wants me to enjoy the life he has given.  God has never left me, he understands my struggle like no other.  God has been my friend to uplift me and keep me moving forward.  He has a purpose for my life. 

I have begun to enjoy being me again.  J

Struggling, YES Struggling

 

Lord I need Your strength, and the power You pour into me on this day.  Lord I must remember that struggling is part of the journey.  I need to trust that You will bring me through VICTORIOUS !

 

Weight Loss Journey - I have had a disconnect from the Lord, on my end.  I know it because I am overly irritable and touchy.  My mood is awful and I feel like giving in.  I get so tired, of doing better and seeing very little results.  I need direction, my workout/bootcamp is difficult and I dread going.  At my age, this is not an excuse, but the truth I injure easily, so during my workout I believe I am being to careful to really burn like I should.  Now on the other hand, my eating has been not good.  I have been eating things I know are not good for me.  I binge and binge and then feel bad.  I know I need the Lord right now like never before.  I am right now too afraid to weigh myself.   I know eating is 70 % and workout is 30%. 

I have to make some decisions and I am seeking God first.  Please keep me in prayer and I cry out to God for me. 

 

Natural Hair Journey – My hair is my hair, it will do what it can do.  My hair is soft and thin in areas.  It frizzes like nobody’s business.  I have tried product after product trying to make it behave.  Right now I will not buy another hair product, I am going to work with what I have and make it work.  The amount of products I have to getting the results I want is not good.  I incorporate proper technique.  The problems rest in me getting to know my hair and settling and accepting it for what it can do. 

My shampoo hair color works beautifully, no complaints !  I want color but fear that semi-permanent or permanent color will damage my fine, thin, soft texture.  So I will not put my hair through it.  I have a natural hair coloring shampoo that covers my gray and moisturizes.  I ordered enough to last me until August, because I cannot get it on ground.

My oil mixture/cocktail is incredible.

My edges are growing in slowly but surely.

So I do have tons of things to be grateful for, but you know, we as women sometimes are never satisfied.  My hair texture is what it is.  I can rock a nice fro, but of course, that’s not good enough because I LOVE twist outs.   But my hair does not respond to twistout.  I need to work on nurturing my fro, getting a trim and rocking it. 

 

Thanks for allowing me to Rant

 

This past week’s Hair Expo was really nice.  Lots of naturals with various hairstyles, women of color are so beautiful.   It is so nice to see women return to their natural hair.  The workshops were full of ladies learning about their hair and products. 

I must say the hair companies are really profiting on naturals.  The power of women demanding what will and won’t put in their natural hair has forced companies to product sulfate free, etc products.  Amazing !!!!

Cycle 2 - Day 1 - I can have steak today :)

Lord God you have brought me from a mighty long way.  You have brought me into the marvelous light.  Lord continue to work your hand of mercy in my life, family and friends.  God you are amazing.  I thank You and I am grateful for Your love.

Natural Hair Journey - Well I had an opportunity to chat with one of my curly friends.  She wears finger coils and she gave me some helpful tips.  I had worn mine coiled and she taught me how to uncoil with less frizz.  Frizz is a natural girls enemy.  Althought I have learn some naturals say they enjoy a little frizz to add volume.  Me myself I don't need the frizz I like a cleaner look.  I got up an extra 1/2 hour early this morning to uncoil. Once it is coiled then uncoiled it is a low maintenance low manipulation hair style.  I will moisturize tonight and oil my ends and use my castor oil on my edges and crown.  Oh yeah, uncoiling my hair gave me a fuller look in my crown area, and my hair looks less scalpy.  Again I love the versatility of natural hair. 

One thing I am seeing is that I look ok with short hair, I have always had medium length, shoulder length hair. Never had short hair, no weave, my hair, wig nothing.  Even as a child I have always had shoulder length hair now with the shrinkage I am rocking short looks.  I have always felt my head was WAY too big for short hair, I used my hair to contour my head , using bangs, swoops etc.  Now I am seeing myself clearly ALL of me adjusting to seeing all of me.  I am even wearing less makeup this week I have not worn liquid medium to full foundations.  I have used powders it seems like with my face exposed I don't want to be overly made up.  Now I am not giving up makeup but just adjusting to my new look.  I love waking up to see how my hair is gonna behave :)

Weight Loss Journey - Today starts Day 1 of Cycle 2 - Well I have been steady in my workouts, I felt sore yesterday from Tuesday workout, so I didn't go.  I am working to listen to my body so that I don't get reinjuried.  Today I can add foods; steak, potatoes, rice, oatmeal, grits, fat free sour cream etc.  I must watch the portions.  This cycle you get one day from Cycle 1 and then the next day you eat according to Cycle 2.  Alternating for 17 days.  I feel I did reasonably well during cycle 1, I will weigh in on the last day of cycle 3.  I do feel I have lost inches.

I am having steak, baked potatoes with light sour cream with mushroom and salad for lunch.  Fruit and yogurt smoothie for snack.  I had 2 scrambled eggs with grilled mushroom and coffee for breakfast.  Dinner will be made and served by Chef Wells at Life Group - Fit for the King.

American Idol -  I am watching this season of American Idol, Nicki has pulled me in.  She is a fashion icon.  I would never dress like her but I understand her and respect her style.

Finger Coils Day 1

Finger Coils - Day 1

Please don't think I am crazy I entered a Castor Oil Challenge with Kinky Curly Coily Me and we had to upload photographs
I joined my first challenge it starts on March 1 ends on June 1

Natural Hair Journey – Well, two of my favorite curl buddies wears finger coils and they look great.  I had thought I could not do them because my hair is longer.  Then I was surfing YT and saw several people with longer lengths doing them.  One woman had hair to her hips and had wonderful results.  So I focused in on the technique and got busy, it took 3 hours, YES but well worth it.  Now I don’t have to touch my hair until wash day.  I am loving the looks that are low manipulation.  It keeps me out of my hair which I need as I am always touching pulling throughout the day.  This style stays in place and looks well on me.  One Con is that in my crown area I have thin hair so this area tends to look scalpy.  But I was told to uncoil some in that area to fill in the space.  I may do so tomorrow or the next day but for today Hey it works. Another Con:  major shrinkage, I am a chick who likes big expanded hair so I am adjusting to the short cropped look.  I am learning so much about myself. 

 

I love the creativity that wearing my natural hair allows me.  At the drop of a hat I can change my look and I can do it myself.  My hair is allowing me to be independent and not dependent on a stylist having to wait until my appointment time.

 

Well you may say it took 3 hours, yes but the time went fast, I was able to multi task; talk on phone surf the net, read while coiling.  As I coiled I had this inner feeling that I was doing it right and that I would be pleased.  As I coiled my self confidence rose, I like knowing I can meet my own hair needs.  My daughter and cousin was amazed at how I did it and liked the finished look. 

 

This look is perfect for my lifestyle as I need more time in the morning, now I don’t have to untwist and fluff.  It works for my workout sessions I can tie it up or leave it loose, it won’t be in my way.  I brought leave in with me to apply before my workout.  I will let you know how long they last.  But this is Day 1 Hair, Rocking Finger Coils. 

 

I don’t consider this a protective style because all my hair is exposed. But it does allow me to put a cap on to cover it when I am outside in the cold.  Making it possible for me to get the hair over my hair, my afro does not allow this. 

 

 

OHHHHH products I used; Curls Crème Burlee – excellient moisture and shine, can be brought from Target.  I topped it with my Olive Oil (non alcohol) Eco Styling Gel, I was undecided between it and my Kinky Curly Custard.  My Kinky Curly is near to my heart and cost a pretty penny.  I did add my Kinky Curly Not Today as my Leave In but decided not to use the more expensive product.  I never use the Eco Styling Gel because I am not a big gel user I never have been.  But I brought it because it is popular in the natural hair community.  It didn’t fail me. 

 

 

Weight Loss Journey – I did not work out yesterday evening.  A dear friend’s mother was hospitialized so I tended to her.  I will be working out this evening J  This is Day 16 of Cycle 1.  YES  !

Cycle 1 Day 14 - SUNDAY BEST

Healthly Delicious Sunday Meal

Lord help me work to put an end to my idols.  I want to lean and trust in You during the good and bad times.  Lord I know with Your power all things are possible.  Thank You Lord. 


Hello it is Sunday and I am blogging.  I am with friends, eating, chit chatting and laughing.  Food was the bomb.  For real, healthy and delicious, it was a Win Win.   Being amongst friends that love the Lord is an awesome experience.  And the food was on POINT :)  Pure deliciousiness !  Everything was fresh which and the flavors were excellient. 

We gathered to continue planning for the YT Channel.  How exciting ! Things are moving along nicely and production will begin in the early Spring.  We have topics and we ae working to get content together and me together :)  We are praying over this venture and asking God's blessings and we want this Channel to give God the glory.  We want to celebrate being the women God so creatively made us.  We want to celebrate what God gave us and be grateful !  Grateful that he made us wonderfully.

Overall, today has been a very productive day, I shopped after church for my smoothie ingredients for the upcoming week.  My eating today has been on point.  No cheating :)  Pastor's sermon was wonderful, it helped me in my weight loss journey.  He discussed using things other than God as an idol.  You know my mind went straight to the food as my idol.  He discussed how idoling anything other than God leaves you messed up.  When I overeat and gain weight I feel awful and worthless.  Deacon Obie played Precious Lord take my hand, it was one of my mom's favorites.  I love old school worship and praise.


I worked out Saturday at 9:00 a.m. awsome workout.  God is continuing to allow me to work in my purpose.  No matter how I give up on myself he is there to carry me to my next task.  While at bootcamp I was asked to participate in Summer Quest for fitness.  God puts goals in my life to keep me working, to keep me motivated.  I am blessed to be able to help others and help myself.  Praise God.