Decisions ! Decisions !!

I want to thank God for allowing me one more day on this earth. I want to give God his glory in all that I do. I want to live my life in a way that others can see God work in my life. God I thank you for today and all that you have done for me and those that I love and care about.

I have to make some decisions in my life and allow myself to move forward. I need to make a major decision about me. Do I take the easy way out, which is not really easy or put the work in to take control and do what is necessary. Today I talked some things out with a friend and believe I have come up with a decision. I will begin this process tomorrow and get myself together. I am still tettering with the decision, but know my decision in the long run is best for me.

Lord help me with my decision, give me the strength needed to get up and exercise. Yes exercise, I have been putting it off, laying around being depressed and lazy. Totally giving up on me. When I exercise, I feel motivated, I have energy and feel really good about me. It is hard work, but I can do it. I am a practicing therapist and realized today I am Major Depressive, which is not good. Reading over the criteria helped me to see how this depression is taking a hold of me and making me stift and sick. Yes, physical symptoms. I am tired of being tired. I feel like I am 80 years old. I go to work, come home, clean the house, but do not want to come out to do anything else. It is as if I am isolating myself from others. I have wonderful friends and family that love me, but I have been cool just being in the house doing "me".

I want to move forward. God please help me, give mercy and I ask for Your favor on my life. Let me live a strong life for Christ.

Stay tuned ! I exercise tomorrow ! Day 2 ! I have made the decision to live.

Snow Day! Plow Day !

Today was quite a blessing ! My cousin is such a blessing. He drove me to and from work during this heavy snow storm. My workday was rather simple, made some phone calls but no one was really in to complete the business. Monday will be quite a busy day ! We will have to play catch up. There was only myself, my supervisor and two other coworkers that were in today. Which was cool, because we did not have much to do. I setup my work for Monday, because we will be busy. At lunch I rode to Heinen's with a coworker and picked up some food items for this cold wintery weekend. Love it !

My cousin Tony is such a great help to me and my family. He is a hard working, good family man. When he picked me up from work, he used his snow blower to do several driveways. He explained the snow plow business to me and he wants a new truck with 4 wheel drive and a plow.

I completed 2 centerpieces for Michelle's event. They are cute, I hope her client enjoys them and they add style to the room. They were simple to do, all red with a really really nice tall vase.

I am in a better mood today ! I am relieved that the end of the week is approaching and I have the weekend off. I'm gonna get some much needed rest.

Breakfast: Coffee, Special K. Lunch: Chicken and diet orange cream pop (yummy), Dinner: chichen wrap with bar b que sauce. I will most likely have some tuna salad later this evening.

Break Day ! Keep it movin !

Today, I was off work to have some me time, and handle some business. I had a much better day today. God gives me hope to keep movin, to keep trying ! I am praying and asking God for a renewed spirit of life. Today was a good day, a smiled alot and made positive interactions with people I did not know. I am conscious of my sometime flat affect when I enter into the outside world, so I purposely make it a point to smile and be very pleasant.

Overall I had a real decent day ! I am putting together some action steps that will help me reach my goals.

Sharae came over this evening, she is back from her honeymoon and said she will have photos soon. Real happy for her and husband.

Breakfast was late this morning because I slept in late : I had brunch, Tuna with low fat crackers, lunch was turkey breast, cheddar cheese and two eggs on 1/2 skinny bagel, baked chips and organic peach tea. It was delicious and packed alot of protein. Snack was tuna on crackers. No real formal dinner, but for evening snack I had pineapple/coconut sorbet.

This is today and I am looking forward to what tomorrow brings.

Wednesday Worries !

Well Well Well ! I am surrounded by worries, I am working hard to chase them out. Trying to be normal and live my life. "In this moment I wish I could have this moment for life". One of my reasons for putting this blog together was so that I could release my feelings. Some days I can brush by and not deal with my feelings, today is not one of them. I stay as positive as I can, trying to be normal, trying to fit in. Right now in this minute I feel like I cannot get better. I want to get out of this hole and rise. I want joy, I want peace of mind.

God please help me, stand by me, fill me and please let me know you are there. Well I know you are there people you always help me. Lord you know me and understand. Help me understand my Purpose. I love you Lord ! Help me to want to serve you and your people, I have experienced so much positivity and miracles. I need my faith renewed. I want to connect to you !

Lord Help !

President Day ! A salute to the Obama's !

I woke up this morning give God praise for a wonderful day. This morning I feel ready to go out into the world serve as a living testimony of God's goodness. I thank God for renewing me and continuing to do miracles in my life. I thank Him for recognizing Him in my life. Thank you Lord ! I am grateful !

Happy President Day ! I pray God will continue to bless him and his family as they lead our country.

I woke up this morning knowing when I go into work we are will be now 3 workers and 1 supervisor. It will be myself and another worker to man the office. Surprisingly I will good about today, there is a bigger responsibility, but God has prepared me for today. The good thing is many agency and CCDCFS is closed today so our referrals will be minimal. I pray that all the children in the city will be protected and well cared for today. God bless their parents and caregivers to give them the best care ever. Let the parent's that struggle with various addictions and really disfunctional lifestyles come to the reality that they should protect and care for their children. This is my prayer for today !

I woke up early this morning, said a pray, made my lunch and a cup of coffee:) WOW, what a morning. I also woke up to my finally finished bedroom, it as been a long time coming, and it was worth the wait. I like it alot, my vision was realized. When I go back to Ikea, I need to get 3 stainless steel wall shelves. Then it will be complete, I am keeping it simple ! Thank You Jesus for gifting me in this area.

Overall, today has been a excellent day. I ate fairly well and drank my 32 ounces of Perrier. I had broiled fish for dinner. It was fairly good, I seasoned it with lemon pepper and garlic.

Jayden came home tonight after his long weekend away. He explored the new bathroom and some minor changes to my bedroom and the hallway. He is curious and really an explorer. He is a busy toddler.

Saturday !!!!!!!

I love Saturdays ! I love getting up early taking care of business ! It is a day of taking care of business ! My day had a shift in change and I kept it moving and got with my program. Today was very enjoyable, I am exhausted but pleased that I had yet another productive day. The weather was fantastic. Tree, me and another cousin hung out did some shopping. We went to the Flower Factory they have a store wide liquidation going on. I was able to get Nique's plate, etc for her 25th Birthday. She selected her colors, turquoise, black and silver. These colors worked out well, it will be coordinated nicely.

Today was my second time having someone come in and assist me with my house work. LOVE IT ! I recognize I need ongoing help with mopping, dusting and organizing. I am grateful to God that I found someone, she needs the extra funds and I need the extra hands.

I prepared Turkey Tacos for dinner. I shared dinner with Tony, he worked hard today to complete my bathroom. It put the plumbing in the tub today, this was a tiring job for him as he had to go to Home Depot twice. But he was pleased with his work, he said "it worked right the first time". He was pleased that he did not have to go over his work. He takes pride in his work which I like. Tomorrow he will put a sealer on the tile and clean the tub. Then I can begin to put items in the bathroom. Now this is the good part, pulling things together.

I found a excellent item today to pay tribute to my family. I will work to put it together within the next week or two. I was also able to salvage one of my mother's pieces of furniture. I will be painting it with a low luster black paint next weekend. She would enjoy knowing I am saving as many pieces of her furniture as I can. She knew I liked contempory styling, and said I would sell her furniture, so about 3 or 4 years ago she sold most of her good pieces of furniture. She said she felt she didn't have much time here and that she wanted to enjoy the money. She said if I felt you wanted it I would save it for you. She was funny ! So the pieces I have I want to refurbish and keep.

Breakfast : Egg McMuffin and orange juice Lunch: Cheese Pizza , Pink Lemonade

Dinner: Turkey Taco, Mango Juice

Oh yeah, I found a really good buy at JC Penny's, I didn't go there to buy, but it was perfect for my bedroom, and it was on sale and the clerk gave me a 10 dollar off coupon. Tony will hang it for me tomorrow. My bedroom is a place of peace and comfort.

Nique and Me !

Today was another wonderful day. I had a productive day at work and was able to stay on top of my tasks. I brought some items to prepare my weekly salads from Heinen and Trader Joes. I brought more Perrier. I then went to Penzy and brought a few new seasoning to accent my foods. I have found that proper seasoning makes food taste especially good. Penzy's motto is "Love People, Cook them tasty food". I agree, healthy tasting good food is a major way to show your family love. I picked up taco, fatija, minced garlic, sandwich sprinkle and ginger. I am basically using chicken and turkey as my meats and turkey does not have much taste so I have to jazz it up. My family enjoys our dinner hour, we spend the time talking, laughing and having fun. Jayden spends his time, throwing food around and then eating the rest. He tries really hard to communicate with us during the dinner hour. It is really fun to watch him, he likes to make us laugh. He now will point at his high chair and mumble eat. I LOVE it.

Nique works some late evening so are evening we see each other are limited to about 2 evening per week night then the weekend. So I decided she and I needed some one on one time. So tonight we went to Sushi Rock and had a wonderful meal. During the meal we got to share and catch up on one another's lives. We got to laugh and share stories about my mother. I feel she and I share the loss somewhat equally, so when I talk to her I know she understands and misses my mother and Chris as much as I do. We both hurt and miss them but we carry their memories, which is important. It is good we have one another. Nique and I planned her 25th birthday party which is in November. She wants a 80's party she was born in the eighties so she relates. We both love Madonna, Queen Latifia, Whitney Houston and so we talked about how we would incorporate these icons into the party. We discussed locations and have narrowed it down to 2 venues. She was pleased that I was excited about her desire to have a party. I want to celebrate her life with her. The Flower Factory is closing and now has 20% off so I will pick up her plates, table clothes,etc this weekend and store them for her day.

I talked to Ms. Briana who always makes me laugh. I love her spirit.

Best Day Ever !

Most productive day ever ! Today my workday flowed ! With God in the lead, I was able to focus on my work, map it out and execute. At the end of the work day, I felt good about what I had accomplished. I know it is nothing but God that is showing me how to handle my workload with being stressed. I asked God for help and He has ! God is amazingly wonderful !

I need God in other areas of my life. I know He will help me ! God is faithful to me, when I don't even deserve it. He loves me when I don't love myself ! He provides for me when I totally mess up. I thank God for allowing me to know His goodness, to feel His love.

This evening I saw my buddy Hugo Boss, he is my friend Michelle's miniature Greyhound. He is adorable. He likes me and I like him. He enjoys hanging out with the ladies. In my old age I begun to care for and really like animals. Lord don't let me turn into the old lady who hordes animals :) My cats are by buddies, my daughter takes to work with her and I miss them. They are very lovable.

Breakfast; Special K Lunch; salad (yummy) Cheese stuffed pasta with marina sauce

Dinner; turkey burger with 1/2 bun with about 5 fries THEN I went riding with Michelle and Tree and had a milkshake and 2 fried chicken wings :( The milkshake was worth the fat, I brought 5 wings and only ate 2, they were not worth the fat. Yucky tasting. Well I am not gonna beat up on myself I ate well all day and had a treat in the evening. Tomorrow is a new day. Water intake one 32 ounce bottle of Perrier, really good. Then water with juice at home.

Busy Monday !

It was a busy but productive day. I was able to complete some work and stay on task. My week started off good ! I took care of some important business after working a whole day at work. My cousin supported me through the entire process, thank God for putting her in my life.

I want to thank God right now for all that He has done for me. I am blessed, sometimes I don't feel it, but I know God loves and cares for me. With God's help I am working to get back on task. It is a struggle but I am ready.

Breakfast: Special K/Lacticid, Lunch: Pull Chicken/coleslaw, Perrier Snack: Pub Cheese/chips Dinner; Grilled Chicken/wrap, diet coke

Cold Winds of Michigan !

I love my family in Michigan and I love Ikea. Family - Ikea, I guess I love my Michigan family more than Ikea. God kept us safe on the road and there were no incidents. We enjoyed one another's company and talked about our family history. My cousin Doris in doing searching our family tree and finding some interesting facts. She is such a historican.

While in Michigan, Monica and I cooked Turkey Spaghetti, delicious. Oh but then, we had dinner at Ikea. Cheese pizza was awesome. We shopped til we could shop no more, we shopped right until we were walking out the door. The items are of good quality and real decent prices. I eye balled a kitchen I am really interested in buying. We plan to go back real soon, we kinda know exactly what we want, so we won't have to spend so much time there. We will rent a Uhaul so we have enough room, we definitely need more room. It was real funny watching us pack that Van, real funny.

This evening a complete the Card Box and Broom for Sharae's wedding. I am happy for her, she is such a beautiful young woman of God. A real testimony of God's love and faithfulness.

Breakfast - Bagel/cheese/2 eggs Lunch - skipped Dinner - Pull Chicken, cole slaw, salad, Perrier and Angel Food cake with low fat cool whip and strawberries :)

Does victim mean weakness?

Today was an enjoyable day. With God in the lead I was able to do God's will. I was able to help others and be helped by others. I struggle with others helping me, I do not like being the victim in any situation. My last view years has made me a victim to tragedy and loss. I see now that pride gets in my way of allowing others to help me. I step in and want to save others all the time. But when others want to help me I shutdown or ignore the help. I press on in misery carrying a heavy load. God put other's in my path to help me.

I have interpreted being a victim as being weak. I admire strongness in people and prefer to be strong. Accepting words of encouragement and support from others is not weakness, it is God's way of showing me love.

My work as a social worker prepared me to help others. Growing up as a minister's daughter taught me to help others. Watching my mother serve others taught me to help others. My life has been built on helping others.

Today I had prepared a salad for my lunch, had low fat mac and cheese from trader Joe's for lunch. Special K berries for breakfast. Dinner was curry rice with lobster. I had a few mint cookies for desert. Perrier water is now new found treasure (delicious). I have not had Pepsi since the first week of January. Red meat and pork are out of my diet. Lord help me to continue on this path. I need your help Lord and the support of others.

I write this blog to get my feelings out. Maybe it will help others.

Sushi Rock 1/2 price

My first experience at Sushi Rock was magnificent. The food was totally amazing. My coworkers wanted me to experience REAL sushi not the Sushi I get from Miles Market or Heinen. I agree Sushi Rock's sushi is Grade A, it was flesh and tasty. The spicy sauce and wasabi was good, and I don't like spicy. The sauce put the icing on the cake. We had good conversation, of course we did our typical talk about work related issues. My work family is really cool. I appreciate our relationships.

I had a martini call Sweet Ginger boy was it GOOD. I thought it was 4 bucks, when the check came it was 10 but it was well worth it.

I am on top of my paperwork and staying in compliance. I like walking away from my desk at the end of the day, feeling productive. A few of my family members and planning a trip to Ikea and I am ready. I am keeping my fingers crossed that it will happen.

I am thanking God for a really good day !

Caught Up!

Yes, I am caught up with my work. It feels so good ! I took this situation to the Lord in prayer. The Lord truly worked in this situation. God blessed me to finish my assignment with accuracy. I am so grateful, I was able to stay focused, multitask my many responsibilities.

I am asking God to fill me with his spirit. I am gonna rest now :)

What no Basketball Wives!

Oh what a day ! I am not a super bowl viewer, but I do like the excitement that it generates for others. Today I attended church and my soul was feed. I am looking forward to the Women's program on the 18th.

Before going to church, I prepared a salad of dinner and marinated chicken breast. We also had linguinne and marinara sauce, bread and sparkling water with strawberries. Oh yes, and we had Pina Colados. We had company in and out of the house. Both family and friends. Jayden had a late dinner with his auntie Nique. He loves cumcumbers and apples. I enjoy my Sunday afternoon cooking and hanging out with family and friends. I plan to go line dancing on one Sunday after church. It will be fun to hang out with my friends.

No Basketball wives due to Superbowl, boy was I disappointed ! I will have to catch it next week. Off to work I go tomorrow. Thank God I have to go to.

Snow Day !

WOW ! I sit here in my bedroom looking out of my window. The snow is truly one of God's beauty. It is so nice to watch it from the inside. It makes me appreciate my work week so much. I am so grateful to be home and not at work where I would be feeling anxious about driving home in the snow.

I want to give thanks to God right now for giving me so much support and a family that helps me on a day to day basis. All morning my cousin helped me with my car, taking me to get a battery and then giving me the cash to purchase it, he said it was my Christmas gift. Thank you, Lord ! I want to thank God for blessing me to have the means to have someone come in today and do some light housework. I love my house to be clean and in order, and my kitchen was in need of HELP. So I was able to give someone some work. Praise God ! This truly blessed the both of us. I don't have to cook dinner this evening, my cousin and her husband are making a low fat seafood surprise. I am taking desert :)

Praise God for a productive day with people I love.

Productive Week !

Today is Friday and I am grateful that I had a productive week at work. This time last week I was feeling sooooo overwhelmed at my workplace. I had a couple restless night thinking about all the work and feeling like I had been treated unfairly. I thought about I blessed I am to have a career. God puts dinner on my table every night. For this I am grateful.

While at work today my coworker got ill, and we had to rally around her and get her help. She is such a kind person, I am praying that she recovers and is back on her feet. We value what she does in our department.

I planned specific things I need to do tomorrow. I want to have a productive weekend. So my Saturday is starting at 8:00 a.m. Yesterday, I was fortunate enough to order the tile to complete my bathroom. I got a better deal than I expected. It felt good to get a deal. i put myself on a budget for the weekend. I plan to accomplish alot this weekend. And most importantly I will be at NCBF giving God his glory.

I appreciate Him !

I realize there are things in my life that are important to me and journaling/blogging is one of them. I decided a week or two to return to writing my thoughts of the day. Today I commented myself to following through.

I have not blogged since July 17, 2010, long time and alot has happened. Since then my dear mother passed away. My best friend on earth has passed on. She was in pain and was tired. Since then I have been on a long journey back to myself. I have once again turned to food to fill my void. As a result I have added about 50 or so extra pounds. I miss my mother so much. I know God loves me and I love the Lord. This has kept me on my journey. I get through each day, but not with the joy I use to have. I am asking the Lord to continue to heal me. I know He will.

A few months ago my grandson, Ariel and Arionne moved in with me. My cousin and her family lives next door, and her daughter is expecting a new child. I am surrounded by love. Thank you Jesus. I have not been alone, my NCBF family has me in prayer. I know real love, and I thank God for allowing me to have a mother who gave love. She taught me to love others and this has helped me now as I take the lead of my family.

God has provided several recent miracles in my life. Miracles that were so obvious all I could do was cry and thank God. I am always ready to give God His glory. God has saved my life, literaly and He has provided for me like no other.

In January 2011, I gave up red meat and Pepsi ! Yes, Pepsi! I substituted the Pepsi with sparkling water with a little juice. I cook fresh meals most every evening and take left overs for lunch, if not I get a healthy salad from Heinens. I want to love myself and treasure my temple.

I am making the best salads at home with such good ingredients.

See ya latter.