Day 95 -Bad News - Sad (:

There is Good News and There is Bad News !!

Over the past month I have been ignoring some very bad news. Thinking if I ignored it the problem would go away. Well it has gone away. This problem I will definitely be taking to God. God will give me the answers I need. God has always helped me and he won't now.

Well here it is ! Ariel and Jayden are moving to the ATL July 3rd 2010. Lord Oh Lord. I understand and I don't. I pray this is God's will for her life and I pray for their safety. It's not like I will just miss Jayden she is my daughter. I pray she finds and surrounds herself with an awesome support team. I pray she and Jayden are blessed.

I love them !

Today was a day I spent doing some cleaning and organizing. This was a good thing ! I am getting ready for some upcoming 4C Events.

Day 89 - God and Mom

God is directing my steps. I continue to be QUIET and listen to God's voice. I am working to block out distractions, haters, etc which allows God to pour into me. I am seeing the benefits of what God is doing. My work life has improved and I am also caring for my mother with more patience. She and I are sharing how we feel about each other. When I walked in her presence she said why do you always smile when you come home. I told her because I think and pray for you all day and I can't wait to see you. This evening she told me she was hanging in for me, because "SHE LOVED ME" ! I was touched, I sometimes wonder what she is thinking as she lays there. She has not changed, she is still my loving mother. It is so like her to sacrifice her life for me. To be in pain and push on so that she can spend time with me. I know God is in total control and she does to, we realize God will call her home when he is ready. One day she told me "Don't let them doctors kill me, I don't mind going when the Good Lord is ready for me, but don't let them kill me".

I had an eventful day at work, I completed some work and handled some other tasks because a coworker is out ill. It was a really good day. One of my coworker's announced she was accepting another position. We all were excited for her as she so deserves it. It was her time. We will miss her so much, she is a very kind, and knowledgable person.

Jayden had a doctor's appt today he gained two more lbs. He is really growing super fast. I talked to him on Ariel's speaker phone and she said he was smiling and looking around. He is so sweet. I pray for him daily.

Good Evening ! Thank You Lord for today !! Thank You for allowing me to experience love !

Day 88 -Come On and Dance

Hello Followers !

I have been busy working and taking care of my family. Really busy. I have blogging/journaling daily. I am excited about what God is doing in my life. He is growing me up. Since my mom has been ill I have had to step up to the plate and be the woman she was. Which means I am carrying a lot of added responsiblity. One day I was sitting and thinking and realized I had grown up. As long as my mom was up and about I relied on her for alot. I have had to make decisions relying on the Lord. With my mother in her present con-dition it has forced me to count on God. Wow !

I find myself saying things my mom would say like, and quoting scriptures. I have found a new love for old school gospel. Songs mama use to love and sing. They have so much meaning for me, because I know now my mom was where I am now. Totally depending on God for her help !

Ok, alright ! Something a little lighter :) I am excited about 4C Event Planners. We are planning a Dance Extravaganza. It will be held September 17th from about 7 til 12:00 or 1:00. We are still working out all the details. Please stay tuned in to our webpage and Fan page on facebook. We are as mother would say "putting the big pot in the little one". lol This means we are planning something really big and nice the community and our friends. I love planning and all the behind the scene things that go on to put an event together. Check out the photo of the party center. We plan to fill this dance floor, with excitement and dance. We love an exciting party.

Day 81 - 4C Planning

Lord I continue to Bless Your Holy Name !!! You are so worthy Lord ! I trust and believe You Lord ! Thank You for being everything to me ! Lord help my mom ! Help our situation ! I want to continue caring for her. I need your help and direction.

Today was good for me. Work was work, I continue to stay focused on my daily tasks and I am being productive in what I do. Everything seems to be going smoothly. We have not been that busy this week. This is the quiet before the storm. Our work comes in waves and we know what is coming.

Today I realized more than ever that I love event planning. This is my second career. Today I student ask me to give her a couple of pointer on event planning. She is writing a "how to" paper about "party planning" and it needed to be at least 800 words. Well don't you know my few pointers turned into me doing the entire assignment. I wrote this paper in about 30 minutes. Of course it ended up being over 1,200 words. Writing the paper came so easy, it is clearly my passion. The person I wrote it for was excited and very impressed. We went over the assignment and she also has a passion for planning. It is an english assignment but it also taught her some key points about professional event planning. She learned some things that she said she would use in her future planning.

My love for event planning pushes me to want clients on our 4C calendar. Not so much for the $ but to have the opportunity to plan and serve. The bonus for me is the $. Getting paid for something I enjoy is such a blessing. Especially when the client feels blessed by the event.

Our event planning business has grown. We are right where God wants us to be. He wants us to be fair and honest with our clients. We want a strong reputation. Because in business your reputation will make or break you. We have learned from one another and we are learning from our business mistakes and successes. We want to do more of what works for our clients. We have the confidence that we can plan and execute any event. God has given us this gift and he wants us to use it to His glory. I want God to work in our business and we do as He would have us to do.

Go Team 4C +1.

James 1 and 2 - Put it in your heart !

Wow, Wow, Wow !!!

Because of God, I had a Peaceful day ! The enemy threw something at me, and God gave me the strength to ignore and not over react. I would like to think that nothing worse can happen in my life. That's would be to easy. The storms I have been through better prepare me to handle what else comes up against me. I have to stay encouraged and keep my head up. God has not worked in my life for me to sit back be angry and shut down. No, he wants me to be fruitful, to grow and to bring others to Christ through my testimony.

I have to stay obedient and be lead by God and do His will. Even when it is not comfortable, even when I feel like I can handle it. I can't :) I have to give it to God. I have made up my mind to live by this, to live in purpose doing God's will. The enemy wants me to prevent me from kingdom building. God has been too good to me to turn my back in disbelief. I have a sense of loyalty and I want to serve GOD until I die.

The Book of James ministers to me.

Trials and Temptations

²Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, ³because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. ⁴Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. ⁵If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. ⁶But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. ⁷That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; ⁸he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does.

⁹The brother in humble circumstances ought to take pride in his high position. ¹⁰But the one who is rich should take pride in his low position, because he will pass away like a wild flower. ¹¹For the sun rises with scorching heat and withers the plant; its blossom falls and its beauty is destroyed. In the same way, the rich man will fade away even while he goes about his business.

¹²Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.

----------- God's word is true ! I have to hold on to the word of God, and trust that God will fulfill His promise. Consider it Joy, yes Lord, Lord you are growing me, teaching me and pouring into me. I want to praise you in advance for what You are doing in my life. Today you revealed something to me and I now more clearly understand what You need me to do. I release it.

Thank You Lord !!!

This is the Day ! Got Fruits !

Praise God ! I thank you for all Your many blessings !! I am grateful to You for providing for me my family and friends.

I woke up this morning with my mind on Jesus and determined to make it to service. I had much to do before 11:00 service. But I was determined not to let anything come between me and God. I was faced with a phone call from a girlfriend, who I had not talked to in a few days. Our phone conversations and go on and on. I talked for about 30 minutes then I told her I had to get ready for church service. Boy was the conversation good, she was talking about her relationship. Tempting, but I let it go. Second distraction, Jayden spent the night and his mom was at home sleep. I called her and told her I would be at her home in 10 minutes with Jayden. Boy, he was so cute but I could not let nothing come between me and God. Then last but not least I had to bathe, feed, change dressings and feed my mom. That is such a big job for me every morning. It takes a total of about an hour or more, depending on if she is sick or just being stubborn :) After caring for everybody else, I took a long soaking bath with my new Lush products. Nice treat and I recommend their products to start or end the day. I say all this to say that I was determined to make it to service, I wanted to make God my priority and I am so glad I did. I needed to hear the sermon. God Fruits !

After service I stopped home to check in on my mom. The fam had taken care of her and I cleaned her up and got her ready for her meal. I then went to Brianna's 21st Birthday Party Celebration. We had good fellowship. I had never been there, the food was good. Brianna is growing into such a dyanamic Little Woman of God. She is now home for the summer. Her spirit is so sweet !! Sis Steph rode home with me, I love her, another dynamic Woman of God.

When I got home I tended to my mom and we talked. She has such a good sense of humor, I look forward to talking to her to see what she will say next. I praise God for each and every day we have together. I thank God for another day of Peace. I want to be still, listen to God and see what he has planned for me. I know He loves me so much, I want to see what fruit I will bear.

"I Woke Up This Morning with my Mind Laid on Jesus"

This morning I woke up with a grateful heart ! I am so thankful to God for the things He has done for me and plans to do. He is planning to do great things, I can feel it. I am so excited about You.

This morning was a perfect Saturday morning ! Rested in with my mom. She was discharged late last night from the Cleveland Clinic. There was nothing major going on, her blood count was low. This morning she and I had breakfast together. This morning when she woke up she looked at me and said "I love you Van". We had scrambled eggs and orange juice and she had a protein drink. She is eating so much better.

After spending some quality time with mama, I went to lunch with Lori and Cheryl. We caught up on each other's lives and had good fun. Lori and I had desert then our entree, really good decision.. After we ate we took a stroll through the mall and ended up in Lush. I am a Fan of Lush. I got a couple of bath items to help me relax and to pamper myself. Really good natural products. Well worth the investment.

Now, moving on I got to spend some time with Jayden, well I watched him sleep :) He is a sweety. Dominique took him to a birthday party. She said he played, took a bottle and then went to sleep. When he got to my house he was already sleep and did not wait up even when we took his coat off. I guess he needed the rest.

So my day was quite nice. I am looking forward to more days like these. I am praising God in advance. Thanks Lord !

Oh, yeah ! I am going to catch up on my reading. Eclipse, yes, Eclipse. Today I purchased tickets for Eclipse. I am so excited. If you are a Fan of Eclipse, are you Team Edward or Team Jacob.

Day 78 - God is Amazing

Totally Amazing !! Over the past few days I have asked God to give me Peace. I know what God can and will do. I have not doubted this, but I have not asked Him. Over the last week I have listened to God and been as obedient as I could be. I also humbled myself in certain situations as God would want me to do. You know! This has been the best week in a very, very long time. I have been faced with significant challenges at work and at home, but it is Friday and everything is good. Better than good.

I allowed God to fight my battles this week, I could not fight what I was up against. But God needed me to be obedient and listen. The more I practiced this the better it got. I was shocked at myself, and I realize God poured into me.

God brought me through !

Day 77- Trust

I asked for it and I got it. Another day of Peace. God you are so magnificent, you never cease to amaze me. Your power, Your love and Your promise. The promise to never leave or forsake me. You have never left me, You have never stopped loving me. I come to You humbly asking for Your favor, Your grace and Your mercy. Again today I woke up with a prayer of peace in my heart. I don't like the feeling of butterflies in my stomach, and worries throughout the day, about things I can't even control. One by one I give all my worries and to You and you show me worry after worry that You have things in control. All I had to do was slow down and Trust You !

Right off the bat this morning I was faced with worry, what to do, panic ! I stopped and listened to what You would have me to do. It sounds simple, but it has not been for me. I come from a family of worriers. So worrying had placed itself in my life and the worrying kept me depressed and feeling unworthy. These last few days I have been obedient to Your word and trusted You above all other. I love You Lord !

For the past 3 days I have gone into work and did my job with no excuses. Totally focused on my work. This is what God wants me to do is to be a good stewart at work. I notice things are clearing off my desk in record time. I am happier at work ! I realize that when I ask You for things Lord there are things I also need to do, these things stretch me and make a better person.

To finish off my day I made a visit to Simply Chic Salon. Yeah !! What a nice reward !

Day 76 - Peace Be Still

Another day I prayed for peace and I had peace. I dealt with conflict and worries very consciously. I talked to others with respect and tried to treat others as I would like to be treated. I want peace so I have to do the things God would have me to do to maintain the peace.

I woke up and my mom was not as well as she had been the day before. I did not panic and over react. I did her morning routine of bathing, meds, dressing change, and I went to work. She was too weak to eat. While I drove to work I prayed for her healing and peace. In this situation peace means I maintain my regular routine, going to work and coming home, without her having to go to the hospital. When I got to work and sat at my desk my cell rang and I recognized the number as a caregiver to my mom. The caller said your mom is ok, I made her a pancake with syrup and she ate it all and drank a cup of orange juice. They went on to say she ask for and drank alot of water. I thought to myself "God". I knew that only God could turn that situation around. I stepped out of his way and allowed Him to work His hand.

I got a call later in the day from her caregiver saying your mom just told me off. Again I knew she was ok and God was working. Another day of peace for me and my family. I appreciate everything God gives me now. I never know from one day to the next if my mother will have a good or bad day. Never knowing if she will be admitting to the hospital or not. Or whether she will live or not. This is real and this is how I feel most days. Some mornings I hesitate when I go to her bed and begin to wake her for her bath, because I fear she will be having a bad day and I will hear her moans of pain. I thank God for each and every day she is in my life.

This evening Jayden came over and me and my mom played with him. My mom loves to see him and she loves to mother on him. She told me he was constipated and how to help him, hold him and encouraged me to tell his mother what he ate while he was here and that he was a little sick. This amazes me, but it shouldn't she IS a MOTHER. Every piece of information she gave me was correct. Then she told me to "bring him here", she is weak but I know she will not drop him because she is a mother. I watch closely as she holds him so carefully and kisses him on his cheek. I know she wishes she was herself before her illness so she could really enjoy him. I see it in her eyes as she watches me play with him. Jayden likes her and smiles at her whiles she holds him, he is never afraid because her touch makes him feel secure and loved.

Ariel, Dominique and I continue to plan Chris Birthday memorial. Ariel has chosen the Chopshop. She is having a beach party during the day then the dinner. Dominique is doing a barbque that weekend for family and friends. Ariel put together the invites and she will order a cake, maybe a cake made with his iniitals. She is arranging photographer, Johnny Hollywood who does excellient work. We are expecting a wonderful celebration.

Today I was surprised by Lori Sanders and Cheryl. They are taking me out to dinner for my belated birthday dinner. I thought we were going out for our Girl's Night Out then Lori told me it was for my birthday. I felt so blessed, I don't get to hang out with these two ladies much but when we do we have big fun. I am excited and expecting to have fun and good conversation.

Day 75 - Peace no Drama

This morning we I awoke I asked the Lord for Peace. He gave me Peace. In my prayers I tend to ask for peace and God's blessings. Today I needed and wanted Peace is a strong way. Every move I made today, I asked if my decisions would lead me toward Peace or drama. I then choose Peace. When my phone rang I said a silent pray and prayed the phone call would be peace no drama. It was if the Lord was whispering in my ear. I recognize God's power and love for me. So I listened for what God wanted me to do. As He is my father and would not tell me anything wrong. IT WORKED.

I worked in Peace and came home to Peace. I so Trust and Believe that God gives the Peace that surpasses all understanding. Today was a day I decided I would try to calm others and in doing so my day would be calm. IT WORKED !

I decided to have dinner with Chris' friends on his birthday July 15th. I have chosen Ariel as my event planner. She has chosen the venue and is currently making the invites. I gave her my vision, Oh No, I did not give her my budget. She is a big spender. Let me call her .........

Day 74 - Mother's Day/Best Day Ever

Oh my, the Lord is good !!! With God's love I made it through Mother's Day !! I rejoice in God's goodness. Pastor James, Pastor James !!! Awesome Man of God. His sermon ministered to my soul. I am so glad God put me at NCBF. The love I experience there can only come from God. God used Sis Sylvia and Sis Tammie and their children to minister to us through song. The songs were so appropriate. I cried through most of the service, but that was OK, I needed to purge myself. After church one of Chris' best friends and I had a time to reflect on Chris and his memory. Then I met another young man who knew Chris and he did not know I was Chris' mom, when he was made aware of it, he weeped. I was able to encourage both these young men and their love for Chris touched me. Friends at church and friends outside of church, loved on me with words of encouragement. I love the people of God. Their love is so genuine.

Oh my, Dominique took me to dinner. It was awesome, we talked and laughed about almost everything. She has a heart of gold. She brought a card and signed Chris name to it and presented it to me. The words were so meaningful, I know she picked it especially for me. She told me Chris would want me to have it. She told me that Chris always reminded her that it was mother's day, and that he always wanted to make sure I was recognized and loved on. After dinner Dominique and I did a little shopping at the Mall :)

Now moving on to my MaMa, OLIVIA DUNLAP. My best friend. One of her favorite sayings on these type of days is "Give me my Flowers while I yet Live". I practice this with her daily. She has practiced this for as long as I have known her. Now you may not like your flowers but she giving them to you. lol She wanted to go to dinner with me and Dominique which made me and Nique giggle. It was the way she said it, you have to know my mother to know her humor, funniest woman I know. Her best friend and Deacon from her church stopped by, my cousin and his friend and my friend Karen stopped in to make her feel special. She did I was so glad she was alert and well enough to receive company.

I am learning to celebrate life daily. It feels so good.

"Happy Mother's Day" means more
Than have a happy day.
Within those words lie lots of things
We never get to say.
It means I love you first of all,
Then thanks for all you do.
It means you mean a lot to me,
And that I honor you.

But most of all, I guess it means
That I am thinking of
Your happiness on this, your day,
With pleasure and with love.

written by Dominique A. Jordan

Day 73 - TGIS

For the last few days I have been focused on my mom and work. I am so glad it is Saturday. For the next few days there is no work. I actually slept in until 9:00 am. It felt so good, I don't have any real plans until this evening. 4C has an event, I usually look forward to these, planning comes naturally. My career as a therapist is rewarding, but the paperwork and documentation sucks. The people I work with are kind and this helps. As you know I have been struggling with new management, dealing with my mom and grieving the loss of my son. Not to make excuses but it is the truth. Thursday and Friday of this week I spent focused only on my day job, documenting and getting the job done. This means blocking out everything, and I do mean everything and work. Is it working, YES. To be continued next week.

The Lord helps me through my work week last week. Only he could put in me what I needed to get the job done. I appreciate God. I am so glad to know you God, to be in a relationship with You.

My mom is doing alot better this week. I am working under the direct instruction of my mom's doctor and nurses. This means I have extra work to do. I have to change my mom's dressings every a.m., we are pushing fluids and she is asking for food. I had to make her some ox tails with pinto beans :) She ate it and woke up the next morning asking for leftovers. Her fluids have increased considerably, including her supplement. God you are good. I pray everyday for her healing and comfort.

I'm gonna run out to do a few light weight, plesaurable errands (shopping). See ya

Thanks for following my blog.

Day 70 - Prayer Warriors

It is what it is !

I am the type of person that likes to keep things real ! What is real for me might not be real for another ! I am learning that everybody is different, and we all handle life stresses so differently. I try and get along with everyone and I am not confrontational. So when I am confronted I am uncomfortable with it. But I try and learn something from every experience that life brings me. I realize God is doing something in my life and is trying to show me something. So I stop and listen and see what he would have me to do.

I say all that to say, I pissed someone off today and didn't realize it. The person is under more stress than I knew. I learned that I cannot take this person lightly. They are serious and they don't like me. This is ok, but I need to get along with this person. So what do I do next. Well the enemy put some really immature thoughts in my head. The person does not mean that much to me personally, but again I need to get along with them. So I decided to continue to be me. Because I know I my statement was not meant to cause any harm. I do want to represent Christ in everything I do. So I must show this person God's love. But I will define boundaries and stay my distance to stay safe. I don't want to offend anyone and I did apologize. This interaction taught me that this person does not know me nor do they mean me any good.

Thank God for Jesus !!! I am so glad I know the Lord. I thank God for showing me who this person really is.

I went to pray ministry meeting this evening after work. It so good to be around fellow prayer warriors. NCBF is committed to praying for one another. We take the power of prayer serious. I remember when Chris had gotten into trouble, I learned to pray. My parents were prayer warriors so I had been brought up believing in the power of prayer. Now I was the parent and had to pray and cover my family. I really believe God can do anything so I held on to that and asked God to honor his promise. God showed me His real power. Always say I love to let watch the Lord work. I step aside, surrender myself to His will and believe. God loves when you give Him the glory. I don't mind giving Him his glory, because I am nothing but a vessel. Remember tomorrow is National Prayer Day.

After I got home Jayden came over. Earlier in the week I brought him some teething toys. They are brightly colored and he likes them. We played with them a little, then I noticed he was losing interest. He was sleep and he fell asleep so quickly. God continue to bless and protect all the children.

Day 69 - I will wait and see what God says

I must say I have had two of the best days. Yesterday, I had one of those "telephone call" days. You know the calls you get that rock your world. I froze for a few seconds and said I would let the Lord work things out. I made one call. I have not heard anything today, so "no news is good news". Yesterday the news was so shocking and upsetting I stayed home from work. I did not need to be around anyone, I needed to focus my attention on God and letting His Will be done. You know it was a crazy day, I did not even write my blog. I won't talk about it here, because it would be giving it too much attention.

Today I went to work, caught up on two assessments and went on about my day. I have learned that God does handle EVERYTHING! I use to hear the old people say "Give it to God" now I know what they meant. God gives me peace when I should be crazy. I face my day with the Lord in me, around me and beside me. Nothing is too big for God !

I thank God for my life. I have family, good friends and people that care about me. I face each day "Trusting and Believing" in God. God has taught me to be thankful for what I have and to work in my gifting.

Today I sought out a vendor for one of our (4C clients). I stopped by her shop and learned some valuable business lessons. Always pay attention to your customer, take time with them, and be friendly. She was not mean, but she was not engaging. I felt like I was bothering her, because I wanted to possibly purchase a service from her. She handed me what I needed but never took time to really inquire about my customer's need. She sat in her chair working and I did not feel like I could ask her anything because she was busy. I did not get upset I thought maybe she has a deadline or this was not a good day for her. Now will I encourage my client to use her, I don't know. I will pray on it and do as God leads me. Maybe God placed me in this young women's life for I reason . I will see what God says about it.

Day 68

Today did not go without incident. It was one of those days, when you get THE phone call, you can't believe it but you go into crisis mode. The call comes when you least likely expect trouble. You know it when you hear it and you know you must react. Today I sat in the same lobby of the hospital where my son died. When I heard the hospital was Huron Road I knew it would bring up memories. I wanted and needed to go. I was there once since that night, it was the night Jayden was born. That hospital held memories of the worse and best night in my life.

At work the other day my coworker's talked about this hospital and that it was a trauma hospital which catered to gunshot wombs from gang violence in the neighborhood. I sat in silence and did not share with them that this was where my son died. I wanted to but I didn't. I didn't want to talk about it ! I didn't want to hear their apologizes, I didn't want to something I would regret. They did not mean anything against me, what angered me for the most part, was that they were telling the truth.

I am praying that my friend and her family will seek God's peace, the peace that surpassing all understanding. In times like these you have to go straight to God. Going straight to God gives you peace and understanding. A calmness that only God can give you. God helped me to keep my mind and allow Godly guidance. I remember looking at Dominique, Ariel and all of Chris' friends in that lobby. God put it in me that they needed to see peace, right THEN.

Today again my mom asked for food, I made her catfish and spinach. She ate 1/2 of her dinner and while I was gone she asked Dominique for some leftover pizza. I thank God for these improvements. She is taking in fluids as best she can. I want individuals reading this blog to pray that God gives me the patience I need to take care of my mom. Sometimes I am frustrated and I am hard on her. This makes me so sad.

God is good today as he was yesterday.

Day 67

God is so worthy !!! Today was wonderful.

Today was one of those days that I did not much planned. This simple day turned into a very pleasant day. Throughout the day I was surrounded by family and friends. My friend Jessica surprised me today and was here from California. It was so good to see her, she was so close to Chris. She and Chris had such a special bond, if he did not already have a Godmother she would have been it. She is Hammer's mother and Chris and Hammer were brothers. She stayed over for a long while and we visited and played with Jayden. We also found out we have a common bond/love for Edward. Yes, another Team Edward fan. Ariel has not really chosen a team, we are trying to recruit her to Team Edward. Ariel and Jessica went to Target and picked up all 4 books. Ariel took Twilight and New Moon, I have Eclipse and Breaking Dawn. They we will switch. Fun, Fun, Fun.

4C had an appointment scheduled to see a venue for an upcoming event. The venue is family owned and it is in tip top shape. The family pride's themselves on customer service and meeting the client's needs. They have a really nice package and we (4C) were in awe. Get ready folks our upcoming public event will be fantastic. We will be sure to keep everyone posted on our facebook page.

Today was full of pleasant surprises, I thank God for providing for me and my family.