Inventory

Lord I appreciate Your hand of favor, Your grace and Your mercy.  You have now made me a new creature.  My past is the past and I with You I will move forward into the my future. Lord this gives me such peace and assurance.  Lord where would I be without You.  I am grateful and I honor You as I live my daily worship.  Amen !!

Yesterday is gone and with it went a piece of me holding on to the things that keep me in bondage.  As I prepare to do my life’s inventory, I have an opportunity to look through my life and determine what has caused harm to me, what I resent and how it has affected me and others and how much responsibility did I have.  I have to and need to work this through as an assignment in my Wednesday Life Group.  Each week one of us pours out past hurts, and next week I’m up.  WOW !  But as I listen weekly at others release their hurts and free themselves, I find myself lil by lil, bit by bit being freed because I identify with something each woman shares.  Next week I need to be real transparent.  I work to be transparent even as I blog, but the group goes deep.  I am praying that God will lead and guide me as I work on my list this week. 

I need God’s help because as I think about it, I am struggling with what God wants me to share.  Things that I think hurt me that I may regret I find myself saying it is ok, I have forgiven, and maybe I have and maybe I haven’t.  I was thinking I would have a laundry list and I don’t, is this good or bad, or am I in denial.  I need to go deep identify my character flaws and think about how it developed, where it started.  Not to point fingers but I guess I will have too.  A early history of sexual abuse I will need to begin, this is where my life went from normal to not so normal.  This is where secrecy, shame, feelings of powerless, mixed feelings started.  This is where my life took a turn.  This is where I chose not to reach out to anyone, not even my mother to seek help, this is where my guilt started.  I was a full grown woman when I shared with my mother about the abuse, she was shocked and thank God she believed me.  Right off he bat she believed me.  Her first words were was it your father, I immediately said no, as it was not.  I since of release came over her that I had never seen.  As much as she my father disagreed on things and argued she was so relieved that he had not betrayed her and me in this manner.  When I disclosed the offender she was shocked as he was a model citizen within our family.  She felt betrayed by him big time, REAL big time.  She apologized for my hurt and then realized why I might have been an angry person, you see my mother was not a social worker but she should have been.  She understood almost everything like that.  She asked if she could confront him and I told her no.  I still felt shamed as if I was wrong, she did not confront him but she did confront his mother, I am sure of it and his older sister.  I know because they began to treat me differently, in a good way.  I believe his mother told him because he looked at me differently.  He is now a man of God and has worked on his life.  He sees me at family gatherings and we speak and have very light conversation, very light but it is pleasant.  I did not want to bring it up to the family in a way in which would cause him shame either as he was young when it happened.  I think we respects me for that.  I didn’t cover it up but I didn’t cause him much embarrassment.   During the time of my loses he was there is his way doing what he should have been doing, which was praying.  He extended love to me and helped me out in many ways.  Through my mother’s life even after she found out she treated him with the same respect.  He always always visited my mom anywhere she was; nursing home, at home, anywhere.  I would walk in and he would be there with his bible or praying for her.

I have more stuff but this is a beginning of my inventory, it is one of my first bad experiences. Life changing trauma. 

  

Thank God my mother believed me !  

Beauty update:  

I was reading the directions and tips on the packaging of the Embryolisse Lait-Crème and one of the tips was “by all means to do allow water to dry on your skin, it will dehydrate you”.  It suggested patting dry. Well I have been doing this for about 3 weeks thinking this would hydrate my skin.  Happy I read it I was defeating the purpose.

 It also suggested drinking water J and eating healthy meals.  I am excited about this product.  Check this out:  in 1950, a dermatologist at a hospital in Paris specializing in skin pathologies created this cream.  It was quickly taken up by the medical profession because of its amazing effectiveness, and passed on from generation to generation.  Natural ingredients include Shea butter, rich in essential fatty acids and vitamins, A,D and E. known for its action on the tone and feel of the skin. Protective, softening beeswax.  Aloe Vera, called the “miracle from heaven” by Indians because of its wealth of virtues; contains vitamins A, E and B, minerals that combat free radicals such as selenium, amino acids and essential fatty acids; stimulates cell regeneration and retains water in large quantities.  Soy proteins with a firms action caused by stimulating collagen fibres, and moisturizing action, they contain all the essential amino acids.

Cost is $25.00 for 2.6 fl oz,  Amazon – shipping was free - recommending because of the natural ingredients