Welcome to Olivia's Daughter....a blog that I created in March 2010 to document my blessed journey of healing. Since I began this blog, my mother has gone home to be with the Lord along with my son, Chris Reshaud Jordan, who was murdered in October 2009. After these two devastating events, I felt forsaken by God. I cried out to the Lord seeking my purpose in life. Throughout this experience, I had to make the choice to surrender to a life of worthlessness or to live my life to the fullest, a life filled with abundance and love.


God has strengthened me. I am seeking Him daily and and working to live in His will which is leading me to my purpose and passion. I think of Chris and Olivia constantly, but I have turned this over to God. I want God to use me as his vessel giving Him the glory.

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Addictive Personality - Repin


Lord God I serve You with a heart of thanksgiving.  Appreciating all that You are.  You are magnificent in everything.  You are teaching me patience and trust.  For this I am grateful.   You guide me and led me.  Lord bless my family, keep them safe and out of harms way.  Give them the heart to serve You on a daily and help them to realize You are the way.  Allow my life to be an example.  Lord give me strength as I go out to do Your bidding.  Strength Lord.  When I am in doubt remove my doubts and fears.  Give me a mind focused on You.  I want to trust You in EVERYTHING !

My weight loss journey has not been easy.  I am an emotional eater, I eat to eat. For me being an emotional eater I eat when I am happy, sad it doesn’t matter.  I am not the type that feels down and turns from food, I run toward food.  The fattier, the sweeter, the breader I like it.  While I am eating it I stuff, stuff, stuff.  When I am finished there is guilt and shame tied up in my food.  These feelings turn inward and I begin to not like who I am, the woman God has uniquely formed.  I struggle with my foods and food choices. This morning I stopped again for breakfast.  I have not been in the mood to cook breakfast because I ran out of a couple of needed items.  Go figure, I time I spend picking up breakfast I could be picking up a carton of eggs and oatmeal.  Which I did pick up this morning J  Long story short, I stood there in line and debated, breakfast sandwich vs. steel cut oatmeal with fresh fruit.  I did make the healthier choice, but I really struggled with it.  When I follow my no sugar no flour plan as laid out, I have such peace with my food.  I need to get back to this place.  Today I planned a lunch according to the no sugar no flour plan.  Each meal I will approach in this manner until it is out of my system.  Lord I need Your help. 

Yesterday was a good day.  No major drama.  I had two things that stressed me, with God’s help I am getting through it and over it.  I have learned to sit back and see the bigger picture before I react.  I want to be careful not to harm others, but I still need to do what I need to do, without feeling like others’ are walking over me not caring about my situation.  Yesterday’s blog I mentioned a situation regarding a relationship in which I needed to handle something in a way in which God would be pleased and not hurt their feeling.  Today I am still festering in it, I hate when things fester in me.  I have spoken to the individual already today and the topic was not mentioned.  Avoidance that is me, big time.  I avoid to the point where I become passive aggressive. I might not say anything to you directly but it is there.  You will rarely ever see me angry, it’s something I don’t do outwardly, I suppress and then I overeat or go into other addictive behaviors.  I am working really hard to go to Jesus and give it to Him.  I know He will work it out, but my flesh so badly wants to let this person know who they are messing with J  But that’s not a relationship building mindset.  My choice in this matter will put a rip in our really good relationship.  So I have to really analysis how important is this relationship to me, how important is it to God that our paths continue.  Seeing it through God’s purpose keeps softens my heart.  Because our paths were brought together to do good for the Kingdom, no real other purpose.  Keep this in prayer with me.  It is important that I make the Godly choice.  What’s crazy is if you knew what all this was about, you would be like " girl you crazy it’s not that deep" J  It really helps putting it out there and sorting it out.  In the past this would have been a no brainer for me.  My response would have been so not nice.

I do know that I have an addictive personality.  I am a food addict, spending addict and most recently have become a Pinterest addict.  Yes it is so interesting to me. It is like an adult game in which I get to name and categorize things that I have interest.  When I see myself going in this direction I have focus on how is God receiving glory in my new found interest.  Right now I can’t think of any, if you think of any let me know.  It is good clean, enjoyable fun.  If you are already into Pinterest stop by and check out my various boards.  Go ahead and repin a few I don’t mind J

Beauty & Fashion:  Today is a beautiful day, I wore some fuchsia with black.  I wanted a pop of color.  I see Ms. Juanita(hair stylist)  this afternoon and I am so looking forward to it.  On Saturday I stopped in the CCO which sell discounted high end cosmetics and skin care.  Well I purchased a Mac lip stain and the thing is dried up already.  Lesson learned.  I have purchased lipsticks and foundations in the past from other CCO, but I will never get a stain.  You never know how long they have had merchandise. 

My boot will be coming off in two week.  I will at that time get myself a manicure and pedicure.  A nice treat. 

Exercise:  Haven’t I have been a bit careful about the foot.  I talk a good game, but I really don’t want to hurt my feet.  Since I broke my foot because who see me who have broken bones, walk up to me and say be careful you don’t want to rehurt it again.  SO…… and much as I want to I haven’t.  We will see what next week brings

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