Mama woke up this morning talking and asking about my dear aunt Betsy who died over 20 years ago. This was about 6:30 a.m. , so we chatted about that and then she had two important requests. The first was I want to get in the chair and fix me some something to eat. These are things that my mother does not say. So I immediately gave God the glory he so rightly deserves. Then she took her medication without incident :) I hit a home run, a grand slam !
I was in total amazement. She sat in the chair, held her own cup and ate 1/2 scramble egg. Yeah, 1/2 egg is alot for her to eat. She sat in the chair without having to be propped up. It was so totally amazing I had to capture it in this photo. (left photo)
Ok, well ! Around 3:00 p.m. her caregiver called to tell me that my mom was not talking and that she was starring into space and not responding. I called her nurse practioner and I discussed her current condition and EMS was called. I left work and went to the Clinic. They had a team working to evaluate her current condition. As I walked in the doorway a doctor was blocking her view of me. Somehow she caught a glimpse of me and she smiled the sweetest smile. It meant the world to me. In her smile I saw my mother, my real mother. She has not smiled in months, but for that second or two she was my mom. That smile will be stetched in my mind for the rest of my life. Since Chris' death I pay attention to every detail. My last vision of Chris was him smiling at me from Ariel's car and they drove past me. I remember the whites of his eyes, the sparkle and the brightness of his smile. He actually waved at me, jokingly because they were passing me, speeding past as if we were racing. I thank God for those moments, those smiles we shared. I did not know that would be the last time I saw my baby boy. No regrets !!!
I know she struggling, but she loves life so much that she keeps trying. Throughout her life God has blessed her and continues to use her as his vessel. Her body is a frail shell of what she use to be. I know she is aware of her illness but she has never said the words I wish I were dead, or Lord take me. I listen, she has not given up and I have not given up on her and she knows this. She listens as I talk with the doctors and they try to figure out what's wrong. She lays there, and they tell her how blessed she is.
The professionals really want my mom in a nursing/rehab center. So they sent a social worker into her room to talk to me. She was a good social worker, but you see I am too. So I knew what she was working on. She spent an hour with me and by the time she left the room she understood, I LOVE my mother and I am really working in her best interest. She asked me how I was paying for home care, if I had Passport and I said I am paying. God has blessed me to be able to keep her home for now. I thank God for this. God works it out every Friday when I pay the caregiver. My mother knows I have discussed it with her. She is the funniest person I know, both my parents were blessed with the best sense of humors. Seriously !!! She said "Oh so you think you rich, ha", I smile and said yeah. I then told her you have worked so hard to take care of us your whole life you deserve to be taken care of. This silenced her humor, because she knows love, she modeled love to me. I know this is what she would have done. I know this is what God wants me to do.
Pray for us !!
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